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Beware Of Band-Aid Relationships

Remember when you were little and got a scratch, scrape or “boo boo”? Mom or your caregiver came over with the peroxide or rubbing alcohol to clean your wounded area. Then most likely they put a fresh bandage (Band-Aid, for example) on the affected area so you could go back outside and play.

Growing up, how many of us thought that the bandage was the part that did the healing? That under this magic beige strip our hurt would disappear? Even if you simply bumped something on your body, you’d ask for a bandage to “feel better” when it was just a placebo. The same concept can be applied to Band-Aid Relationships.

The Placebo

Band-Aid Relationships are what you get into to cover a void, hurt or lack in your life.

Generally Band-Aid Relationships can be good and make you happy, and some relationships can bring a healing aspect to your life. However, if you don’t resolve to make your voids, hurts and pains known to God, the bandage can only do so much.

A bandage covers a wound and keeps it from infection. However a bandage can get dirty, wet, lose its adhesive, etc., leaving you at risk for infection. And we thought the bandage was to do all the healing when it actually had the potential to make things worse!

The Infection

When you haven’t addressed the past hurt within you, having a relationship to avoid being hurt can infect your current relationship. Depending on your wound and how deep it is, you may have to keep switching bandages. Do you know anyone like this? They’re serial daters — always in a relationship or looking to get over the last one with someone new or fresh. But here’s the thing: The wounds haven’t properly healed in their hearts yet.

The Healing

Like a flesh wound, you eventually need to go without the bandage to start healing in better time. With the right cleansing agents and care, you can prevent an infection without a bandage. This means that you will need to take the proper steps to care for your internal wounds (emotional, mental and spiritual). Cleansing with prayer, renewing your mind about yourself and your situation, and letting time pass. This includes letting the Lord be the mender of your broken heart. In Christ we do have wholeness (Colossians 2:9-10), so it’s just a matter of taking all the feelings and thoughts you have about yourself and love, and laying them at His feet.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. –Psalm 147:3

The Truth

Now for those who want a bandage with no wound … take a moment to ask yourself, Why do I want a relationship? Are you bored? Are you lonely? Does everyone else around you have a relationship or a spouse?

A relationship does not necessarily relieve those symptoms of dissatisfaction. You can pick anyone just to be in a relationship and go on dates, but you can still get bored, feel lonely and compare your status to others. It’s all a matter of your mindset and what’s in your heart, both of which our Father is more than able to address.

If you’re not happy now being single, then you won’t be happy in a relationship or even married. Happiness is a fleeting emotion anyway. We want to be pursuing God because in His presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). Also, joy is among the fruit of the Spirit, so you get it from God and then give it to others.

Having a mature understanding of the purpose of dating, courting and marriage may alert you that you’re not ready after all. And that’s okay to not be ready yet; the priority is to heal. It’s better that you work on yourself with God’s instruction instead of learning the hard way through decisions made based on your feelings.

As mature believers, we don’t need a Band-Aid to heal. We need to allow God to heal us from the inside out, so we are able to present ourselves to the person who can see our scars and love us anyway.

About Tatianah Green

Tatianah Green is a multimedia content creator and editor with a passion for writing. In 2012 she launched the blog BLISSforSingles.com {Black Love & Inspiration for Saved Singles} to encourage singles in faith and love. She is also a contributing writer for several other websites including Culture and God, Black and Married With Kids, and The Wire Hanger By Winnie. She recently published her first book entitled Journey to 30: A Single Woman's Guide to Living Unapologetically Without Deadlines. As she embraces her thirties, Tatianah works, plays and lives unapologetically for Christ in Chicago.
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One comment

  1. “If you’re not happy now being single, then you won’t be happy in a relationship or even married.”

    I wonder why I never hear anyone say to a childless couple: “if you’re not happy without a child, then you won’t be happy with a child either”

    Both statements are just as insensitive and just as cliche.

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