Do you remember Bill Cosby’s show “Kids Say the Darndest Things”? Well, my niece Kylie might be one of the cutest little examples of the fun and crazy things children say. During her recent visit to Texas over Fourth of July weekend, we had a very interesting conversation.
Kylie: “Auntie Bran Bran, how come you’re the only one without a boyfriend?”
Me: “I don’t know, Kylie; do you think I should try to find one?”
Kylie: “Well, no. I think you should find a husband.”
Me: “What kind of husband should I find?”
Kylie: “One who’s smart and handsome and cool and loves God with all his heart and loves you and hasn’t been to jail too many times.”
Even though Kylie’s inquisitive nature was very much showcasing the fact that I, the 30-year-old, eldest daughter of 5, was the ONLY one in our family who didn’t have a mate—you can’t help but be tickled and laugh at her cuteness.
Sometimes, though, the reminders of our singleness aren’t wrapped in the humorous naiveté of a child.
I believe our friends and family mean well—I really do. There is no doubt in my mind that when my dad jokingly asked me to go on three dates before he returned from his deployment to Iraq, he thought one of the three would actually produce a lasting relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that when my sister insisted I bring a plus-one to her wedding, she was just hoping to make sure I didn’t feel lonely or without love. I know their hearts, and I am not at all offended by their comments. But sometimes, the reminders of our singleness from the ones we love can be hurtful, add pressure or make us feel like there is something wrong with us.
If you are finding yourself in a situation where the voices of the peanut gallery are extra loud, I hope you’ll find some encouragement in knowing you aren’t doing anything wrong. Your singleness is not something to be ashamed of, and you shouldn’t be in a rush.
You aren’t doing anything wrong.
Unfortunately, I can’t explain why you are currently single. I don’t know the answer to that. But what I can do is remind you that it is okay. It’s okay to be in this season. It’s okay to be single. It’s okay to have feelings of want. It’s okay to desire a relationship. Your singleness is not a punishment or the product of something you’ve done wrong. Don’t allow other people to make you feel that way. When the enemy uses this tactic to manipulate your thoughts, remind yourself of God’s goodness. Remind yourself of His promise to take care of and provide for His children.
Your singleness is not something to be ashamed of.
I recently had a conversation with a male friend, telling him how grateful I was that God chose to prolong my singleness. It is through this delayed time of singleness that God has given me valuable insight to share with you. God has gifted me with a unique ability to minister to other singles based on the experiences I myself have gone through. I wouldn’t trade that for anything else. I am incredibly blessed to be chosen to be used in this way.
Have you thought about what purpose is being fulfilled through your season of singleness lately? I encourage you to spend time nurturing that purpose. When we remove the consumption of answering the question why? and focus on using this season purposefully, it minimizes the enemy’s control over our emotions.
Don’t hit the fast-forward button
Be careful not to let the pressure of others encourage you to hit the fast-forward button and miss out on valuable time necessary to ensure you are making the right decision. It takes time to get to know someone. It takes time to learn if you are a good match and can endure the trials life will send your way. It’s okay to be slow in that process. After all, the decision you make about who to partner with in life is one of the most important decisions you will make.
God reminds us in His word that we are to trust the true Shepherd, to listen to His voice. The enemy uses many tactics of distraction, including the world’s perception of singleness. Don’t listen to the distractions of the enemy. Listen to the voice of the One who created you. He is guiding you and will give you clear direction if you seek Him.
John 10:4: And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.
Call on Him and wait as He responds. God wants to give us clarity, answers and direction, but he expects us to make the first move.
Jeremiah 33:3: Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.