Friday, December 14, 2018
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Tag Archives: Conflict

The Best Time To Win A Friend Back

Recently, I said something I thought was innocuous to a good friend. I didn’t know how bothered she was about it until two days later, when she texted, then called me to talk about it. She was upset, but remained appropriate as she shared her side. I listened intently to hear her heart, then asked her to forgive me. Later …

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Single Parent: When You Can’t Get Along With Your Ex

In a perfect world, there would be no such thing as an Ex. People would love like they are meant to, marriages would thrive and love would win every time. But in the broken world we actually reside in, life throws punches. Sucker punches at times. And we find ourselves single and maneuvering our children through waters we never even …

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What Singles Can Learn From My Three Marriages

My husband and I had an argument last night. As usual, I was trying to prevent an explosion and instead caused one. It’s very disturbing when you try so hard to do the right thing and still fail. I guess that’s where grace comes in. I am a doer. When I see the light, I go for it and too …

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Narcissism Part 10: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health diagnosis. Only qualified mental health professionals can or should diagnose NPD. There are thorough and effective assessment tools that a professional can administer, that, combined with other qualitative measures, can make an accurate diagnosis possible. I am not a mental health professional. I’m a pastor. In writing about narcissism, it’s important to me …

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Narcissism Part 9: I’m Not A You, I’m A Me

Differentiation and Individuation are terms used to describe a developmental process everyone needs to go through in their path toward maturity. My (probably oversimplified) understanding of these terms is that in differentiation, I learn that I’m not a you; in individuation, I learn that I am a me. So these are related processes and ideas. They happen together and each affects …

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Narcissism Part 8: Can A Narcissist Change?

I remember a particular phone call with a classic narcissist. His wife of many years had finally had enough and kicked him out of the house. He was about to lose everything. His marriage. His kids. His financial future. The very image he had worked to build was collapsing around him. He phoned me to rage and cry about what …

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Narcissism Part 7: The Narcissistic Parent

Narcissistic Parenting is especially toxic. A relationship by its very nature designed to be about the benefit of the child is used instead as a source of narcissistic supply by the parent. Let’s take a look at the various aspects of narcissism and how they affect the parent/child relationship. Identity The narcissist looks to others as a source of identity …

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Narcissism Part 6: Why Intimacy Is Impossible

There are four keys that are critical for the health of any relationship. Narcissism is so toxic and destructive because it is a failure in all four of these areas. Here are the four: 1. I’m not needy. This is self-management. It’s an orientation toward life that assumes personal responsibility for my own choices and their consequences, my actions, thoughts, …

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Narcissism Part 5: Why They Are Un-Confrontable

Who are you? Do you have value? Who gets to answer those questions? For a narcissist, other people are responsible to answer these questions. Narcissism is a commitment to gaining your sense of identity and worth from other people. But it’s not so much a conscious commitment; it’s your reality. It’s the way you assume life is. It’s what you see and …

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Relationship 101: Commit Or Quit

I love asking questions. I’m a curious person. I think this is a good quality, because I used to be pretty bossy. (I’m the eldest child, so it came naturally for me.) But now I try to keep my opinion to myself and just ask questions. I just love finding out how people make decisions and why. I love how …

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