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What Does It Look Like To Wait For A Mate?

My heart was in agony. I couldn’t handle the unknown any longer. I needed rest.

So I asked God a simple question: “Yes or no?”

I was actually in a healing and encouraging season of life, after being in ‘deep valley’ and ‘refining fire’ seasons. At that point, I had been single again for 7 years. My first husband left me for another woman. After years of dealing with many emotions and experiencing God’s comfort and hand upon my heart in supernatural ways, I was finally in a place where I could start building and not just breathing.

Most of my single life consisted of unrequited love. There was the occasional time when someone was interested in me but I didn’t feel the same. Most the time, however, it was I who put my heart on the line, and it sat there in the sun getting wrinkled like a raisin. I was faithful to my “crushes” though. If my heart was locked-in to someone — even someone who was most likely not interested in me — I wouldn’t betray him, even for someone less apprehensive. Oh, my poor heart!

And the last one was a doozy.

After years of having a close friendship with a man and constantly wondering if it was only me who had feelings beyond friendship, I came to a breaking point. One night, after talking with a close friend — who revealed to me that she now also had feelings for this same person — I fell face-down on my bed and literally pleaded to God: “Please, please, just tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ If the answer is ‘no,’ fine; I will pick up my raisin heart and move on. If ‘yes,’ then I will continue to be patient. But please, just somehow tell me one way or the other. Yes or no?”

The words that immediately came to my mind were these: “You do not need a ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ because then you will rest in ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ but I want you to rest in ME.”

Mic drop.

His answer pierced my heart like a thousand swords. Not in a cruel, painful way, but in a convicting, refining way. And those words have never left my heart since then. They have brought clarity and peace to many different unknowns and times of waiting in my life.

Could He be whispering something similar to you?

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. –Matthew 11:28

A few months after my plea to God, my friend and I finally had “the talk.” He told me that he often prayed about pursuing me, and at times actually started to, but that he felt God say ‘no.’ Though his friends, and even family, encouraged him to pursue me, he listened to what God was strongly putting on his heart. God gave me the answer He knew I needed, and gave this man the answer He knew he needed, to accomplish what He (God) wanted. God knows us so well!

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. –Psalm 37:4

I still had to battle thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, that I had too much of a history for anyone to want me, and that every other single woman I knew was a much better “catch” than I was.

But again, there came a gentle whisper on my heart.

You can choose to have a pity party and believe you are not good enough for anyone, or you can choose to believe that God is in control and accomplishes what He desires through His wisdom and in His time.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7

Friends, there is so much peace and freedom in choosing to believe the latter, and throwing the former into the pit of hell where it belongs.

Fast-forward. I am now married and have two absolutely amazing girls (3½ and 1½ years old)! How my current husband and I met is another story. My friend is also married and just recently had a baby! I have never forgotten God’s sweet whisper to rest in Him. I have needed to stand on it countless times.

Whatever season you are in — waiting and hoping, receiving and rejoicing, or loss and grieving — I pray that you are always most aware of the nearness of your Savior. I pray that neither the sting of pain, nor the joy of a longing fulfilled, will keep you from the only One who is always with you, who will never leave or forsake you, and who is faithful to you.

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Cari Weber is blessed to be a follower of Jesus Christ, a wife to Trevor, and mommy to Eliana and Rylee. Her passion is to know Christ and make him known, and to stir up and encourage those around her in their precious and powerful relationships with Jesus Christ. Colossians 2:2-3 speak her heart best: That their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 

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One comment

  1. It’s of course easy if you’re able to look back to a dark period because you now live in much better times.

    It’s a big difference if you’re still living in such a dark period with zero prospects of ever being able to get out of it – apart from just dying and going to heaven – and you’re far too old to even think of having children.

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