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Why Pregnancy Before Marriage Isn’t Sin

Photo courtesy of KathyPayne via Flickr
Photo courtesy of KathyPayne via Flickr

I got a phone call once from someone who told me she had “bad news.”

“I’m pregnant,” she said. As I heard these words, I had been aware of the situation this young, single mom was in for a while. But when I first heard that she had bad news, I did not think being pregnant would qualify as that.

Unplanned Pregnancy

I think reactions like this stem from the fact that the unwanted pregnancy is out of God’s design.

We tend to use words like “unwanted” for a pregnancy that is unplanned. But every baby is wanted by God. He/she is knitted together in a womb, and Jesus has died for that child. We should not use “unwanted” and “unplanned” interchangeably.

When we see this circumstance in someone’s life, we can only imagine how their life will drastically change going forward. Any plans they had before now take a back seat, and the child now takes priority. As single people, we can really get caught up in ourselves, and many times our priority is us. We see anything that keeps us from us as a burden. So when we see this happening to someone else, we tend to take pity on them and treat them as such.

God’s Design: His Masterpiece

In Genesis, God created Man in his own image, and in this God says that man is his “masterpiece.”   So God, the creator of the Universe, who formed stars, planets, galaxies—all the marvelous things we see—formed man. And in the middle of all this creation, He stops to take a second look at man, and He says … “this … is … my masterpiece.” God then says that man should not be alone, so he creates a suitable helper and then commands them to “be fruitful and multiply.”

So that is God’s design for a family: A man and a woman come together as one flesh, and through that He says this is His design for man and woman to have children.

But if we aren’t careful we will communicate that the unplanned child is unwanted and therefore bad. Although having sex before marriage is sin, the pregnancy before marriage isn’t sin.

God wants our hearts; He wants us to come out of where we are and come running right back into relationship with him. And whatever we’ve done, He’s going to use it for good. That’s the good news of “… all things work together for good …” (Romans 8:28).

God wants his best for you.

So yes, if you are having sex before marriage, you are going against what the Lord has designed sex to be for. But all of that is redeemable. God uses very strong messages to get our attention, and the correct approach to this is to understand that God wants His best for you and that He wants you to come away from that lifestyle because He has something much better in store for you.

This is a time of rejoicing!

“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3).

We need to remember that a pregnancy is a time of rejoicing, not mourning. If a single female tells you that she is pregnant, congratulate her and tell her you’re happy for her. Right now she needs the encouragement and support of anyone she comes in contact with. Spark dialogue and ask how things have been going and how you can help.

If you are in this situation, I encourage you to become a part a support group at your local church or look for organizations such as Embrace Grace.

We want to rejoice and walk with you during this time.

Have questions? Read “Response To: Why Pregnancy Before Marriage Isn’t Sin.”

If you need to talk to someone or need prayer please email us at info@singlematters.com.

We’d love to hear your thoughts in our comment section below. What do you think about pregnancy before marriage?

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About Ivan G

Ivan has his B.S. degree from Texas A&M University and is proudest member of the Fightin Texas Aggie Class of 2005! In his free time Ivan loves to run and has completed several half marathons and two full marathons. Ivan also has a passion for singles to be whole and healthy, and to lead Christ-centered lives. In addition, Ivan disciples men in regard to porn and sex addiction. He is single and currently resides in the DFW area.
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6 comments

  1. BEING A SINGLE MOTHER WHO WAS NOT MARRIED WHEN I GOT PREGNANT WITH MY DAUGHTER, THIS REALLY HELPS. I WAS WELCOMED INTO MY SISTER’S CHURCH WITH OPEN ARMS AND EVERYONE WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT THE BABY AND NOT ONCE DID THEY LOOK DOWN ON ME FOR BEING UNWED. THIS IS AN EXTREMELY UPSETTING TIME AND YES, I CRIED A LOT WHEN I FOUND OUT. WITH 5 PREACHERS IN MY FAMILY ONE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THAT PHONE CALL. I NOW KNOW THAT MY DAUGHTER IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST BLESSINGS. I THANK GOD FOR HER EVERYDAY. A FRIEND ONCE TOLD ME THAT GOD SENT HER TO ME TO HELP SAVE ME FROM MY WAYS. I BELIEVE THAT NOW.

    • Trisha, the Lord speaks to us in many ways and sometimes he takes very strong measures to make sure he has our attention. You have a unique story and I hope you allow the Lord to use you with it. I’m encouraged by you. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂

  2. I am so grateful for your Biblically sound article!!!!!!! My husband and I have 6 children. From youngest to oldest: Stephen (a surprise/gift)- 12yrs old; Matthew- 13 yrs old; Emma- 15 yrs old; Meg- 16 yrs old; Samantha- 22 yrs old & Andrew- 23 yrs old . My husband became a Christian when he was 26 yrs old, I was 13 yrs old. My husband lived a very rough life before Christ (beginning at the very young age of 11 yrs old) …drugs, sex, alcohol, you name it he either tried it or it was just a way of life. My life experiences were very different.
    My husband has been in the ministry since before I met him. He loves Jesus like no one I’ve ever met!!We have raised our children to follow the Lord, praying about everything they want to do or be, to make sure they live their lives according to God’s will for them. My husband has poured everything he has and knows into our kids, in order that they would not make the mistakes that he made, which caused him so much sorrow.
    Our oldest daughter moved back home just after her 20th birthday. She was enrolled in a community college and worked full time as an assistant manager at a high end retail store. We, as most parents, had such high expectations (not just for her, but all of our children) and lofty hopes for her. She had expressed a strong interest in becoming a physician/surgeon.
    My husband, myself and our younger 2 girls had spent a weekend at a soccer tournament. When we arrived at home our 20 yr old abruptly left the house. We were to find out, from a text message, that our daughter was pregnant, by a guy 10 yrs her senior, whom she had only known a few weeks. To say this was unexpected is quite the understatement. My husband was devastated, and felt he had failed as a father. I made a conscious decision not to go there. I knew my daughter needed me to let her know that everything was going to be ok, maybe not according to all of our plans, but it really was going to turn out just fine. I told her (and my husband at separate times) that NOTHING surprises our God!!
    I made it abundantly clear that although Sam made a mistake, this baby was NOT a mistake! I have far too many friends who have struggled with infertility, begging God for a child. Every pregnancy is planned by God, who knows so much more than we could ever fathom. My unborn grandchild was no exception. I told my family (husband and all of our children) that God chose our family to bless with a child. See, He knew that my daughter would have sex with John (not his real name). My belief is that every child is created with certain traits, talents, gifts…etc. I also believe that, life’s great designer, God, knows exactly which two people who will be so completely perfect, to supply the genes to create the EXACT person who will fit into God’s grand design. We began to understand that we were being gifted, by the Lord, with a wonderful, amazing slice of Heaven on Earth.
    Yes, my daughter sinned by having sex outside of marriage. No, her pregnancy was not a mistake or an accident. Yes, my daughter’s plan for her life will not play out the way she thought. But this is all ok, just like I promised her. We now have a perfect, beautiful 2 yr old granddaughter. Our family is blessed beyond anything we could have dreamt. I’ll take God’s perfect over my perfect anyday!!!

    Be Blessed,
    Chelle

    • Chelle, thank you for your wonderful story!! 6 Children! Wow what a blessing from the Lord!! People who can’t have children and never noticed the sin of your daughter because they’re too focused on the child that the Lord provided. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that could be everyone’s first response? 🙂

      I’m so glad that our days are written for us already, and that the Lord knits our children in the womb despite our genes. I want so much more my children than I could physically or genetically pass on to them, and I know the Lord will continue to work in them as he is with me (Philippians 1:6), so I have nothing but hope for the future.

      God Bless you Chelle 🙂

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