All singles should have a Facebook relationship status that says “it’s complicated.” One day you feel great about being single, and the next you are in the depths of despair. You proudly declare you are content and then secretly wonder what the heck is wrong. Single life is complicated.
If you have a desire to be married, you have probably had a few completely different conversations with your friends about how you feel about your singleness. Many of you voiced your opinion on our Single Matters Facebook page the last few months. We asked what you found difficult in your singleness, and it came down to three main questions singles ask themselves.
I thought I’d just cut to the chase and be direct. Are you okay with a post that isn’t going to sound like other ones on singleness? Let’s pretend you are in a room full of your closest single friends. Let’s see if we can get some real answers. Not the kind of answers we are supposed to give because we are good Christian singles who know what the Word of God says (although as our final authority, that’s all that matters). Wouldn’t it feel good to discuss the hard parts with the truth about what you’ve missed out on or lost without being a Debbie Downer? I hope this validates you and helps you see you’re not alone.
Have I missed it?
It’s easy to feel that way when all your friends have not only gotten married, but have bought a house, had children, and are taking romantic vacations. You in the meantime are still living with roommates, vacationing with your parents, wondering if your ovaries are still producing eggs (women only of course), and taking everyone else’s family picture at Christmas while you take one alone with your dog.
Have you missed “the one?” I don’t think there is an answer on this side of heaven. But I do know God does not withhold any good thing! Keep hoping because until you’re dead, you haven’t missed it. In other areas of life, singles have missed out on some things. Sorry that’s not encouraging — it’s just truth that people hesitate to write about.
But we can’t miss the goodness of God if we seek it. I totally believe He will repay for all that was stolen (if it was). Keep declaring He is good, and watch Him come through for you. Don’t miss what God has for you in this season by being distracted by what you don’t have now. It’s okay to be disappointed when you do have to take another photo alone, but don’t let it ruin your day today. You get to choose joy or frustration in every moment. So you’ve missed out on some things — but what have you gained?
What if God wants me to be single?
Ever feel like the grace to be single has left the building with your toned abs? You find yourself crying out to God about why He would give you those desires if He didn’t plan on fulfilling them. And begging Him to take them away? Speaking of desires, the one I hear most often discussed is the physical aspect. How many of you have woken up in the middle of the night thinking, Really? I didn’t look at anything that would cause me to have ungodly desires — why did I have that dream?
Remember, God designed marriage and He said that it’s good for a man to find a wife. Feel free to be okay with God’s plan for marriage and to not feel bad when prolonged singleness isn’t your calling. He never intended you to hold off on the hormones and passions for such an extended time (and which you may have given in to because of the lack of physical touch in your life). Get rid of the shame of falling into sin by confessing it and then confidently walking in the grace you have because of Jesus.
Some singles can go over a week without a touch or hug. And the “Christian side-hug” doesn’t cut it. Finding fulfillment for physical touch in God’s presence doesn’t work the way we’d like. Maybe God didn’t make His presence to be physically felt because He wanted us in relationship with each other. Find it in healthy relationships. But you can find love and peace in the presence of God, and that helps lessen the need for physical touch until you can get a hug from a friend. Honestly, singles have an opportunity to dig deep with God in ways married people covet.
Is the enemy delaying my marriage?
You thought you met the one but they never showed interest beyond friendship. You may have dated causally but it never got to official relationship status. Or you even had a long relationship with someone who couldn’t commit. You may have even felt like God confirmed this person to be your spouse. You feel like you wasted years of your life by waiting on that person. You knew you were praying and giving it to God, so you are okay with the outcome.
For some of you, yes, the enemy is delaying it. Now what? Does that make you righteously angry? What are you going to do about it? Reading more blogs about how to feel better, joining an online dating site or going to another Christian meetup may not be the answer to the real problem. What if it’s part of the enemy’s strategy to keep you apart from your mate so you don’t accomplish all the things God wants you to do for the Kingdom? What if it’s a strategy to keep you from having a godly family?
When it comes to having a good Christian marriage, singles face the same kind of warfare as married people. The enemy tries to destroy marriages before and after the wedding day. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to pray and fight for your marriage now as much as you will when you’re married?
So maybe you missed it and maybe you didn’t. Maybe God doesn’t want you to be married or maybe He does. Maybe the enemy is delaying your marriage or maybe you’re doing fine delaying it yourself. Do the answers to those questions change how you are living today?
The best question is, “What does God want to be for me today that He couldn’t be at any other time in my life?”
The answer to that may be the thing that answers the rest of the questions.