I wish part of what we should look for in a husband was someone that liked to give us back rubs, lavish us with affection or flowers, do the laundry, watch girly movies with us or whatever fits our “love language.” Those are nice, but not biblical. Good thing God had some better ideas in mind!
These 5 points were created by Conway and Jada Edwards. I heard them speak at Watermark Church in Dallas, TX. They expounded on what they saw God do with Adam and Eve in the garden in the book of Genesis. Their insight is the foundation for this article.
Men and women can learn a lot about what to look for in a relationship but also who to be in a relationship.
1. Visionary – To conceive his purpose in life.
God gave Adam instructions of what to eat and not to eat in the garden. We need to remember that God gave the vision to Adam first. So we need to look for a man who is spending time with God so he can hear from Him. He needs to know what to do with his calling, passions, dreams and gifts. We can encourage him to spend time with God and to trust God to speak to him. Men can’t lead us until they know where they are going. I am not suggesting we don’t ever offer helpful suggestions – just that we wait until they have spent time with their Creator, asking what they were created to do. You can still ask questions to get them thinking and discovering. But they need to get the final word from God. I heard Beth Moore say something hilarious but true (I will paraphrase): Biblical submission is when God is throwing something at you as a couple, and the woman just ducks.
2. Leader – To courageously and wisely move toward his purpose.
Two words here: courageous and wise. First, have you ever dated a guy who knows what he has to do and then doesn’t do it? That is hard on a relationship in so many ways. But if he is doing that with something God has called him to do, then he will do that as he leads you too. Secondly, sometimes when God speaks, He tells us to do something difficult or risky. We should look for men who are boldly going in the way God calls but wisely asking for godly counsel. Be cautious of the man who moves quickly and boldly without prayer or counsel. That being said … sometimes we don’t have the support of others, and yet we know God calls us to do stuff. But look for humility in his walk. Does he at least pause to consider and pray over the suggestions? Who is he walking with, or is he trying to do it alone?
3. Teacher – To learn to live under God’s authority and teach it to others.
In the sense that they are good with words or being in front of people, not all men are called to be teachers. But we should look for a man who shows his faith and love for God by his works. He can be an example and teach others by his lifestyle, words, ethics, kindness, firmness for the truth, etc. Does he live under God’s authority as outlined in His Word, or is he doing his own thing? He should also be able to lead us in a discussion of biblical truth. It is a sweet intimacy to discuss what God is teaching us, and we should look for a man who is capable of sharing that. Women have tendency to be talkers, so we need to ask him questions and then be quiet while he formulates his answers. We need to wait to find out what God is showing him. He should be able to teach the basic truths to your kids. This may sound elementary, but can he explain the Gospel to someone if they ask? Will he suggest praying with you? Are his walk and his talk consistent?
4. Cultivator – To make something better than when he first received it.
This point really challenged me to look at the men who have befriended either myself or my girlfriends. How does he treat his friends who are girls? Is he making sure to be clear with his intentions (words and actions match)? Are girls he has previously dated better after dating him? Did he honor purity in their hearts as well as bodies? With his maturity should come leadership: Is he leading others to a good place in their walk with God? Are people better because they spent time with him? Do they feel edified after talking to him? Does he tell the truth with love and grace, or does he tell truth and look back later to see if they are still standing? Do people want to be in his small group, work with him or be on his team?
5. Guardian – To exercise great care over his dominion and provide protection when necessary.
Just as angels take care of God’s agenda and provide protection, our future husbands should show a knowledge of God’s agenda in our lives. If we are in danger spiritually, physically or emotionally, he should fiercely defend us, come to our aid and gently keep us close. Close enough to protect us from anything that would threaten our relationship, but free enough that we are flourishing in our God-given gifts. God has entrusted him to care for us, and that includes making sure we fulfill God’s purpose in our lives. He should protect us and our relationship from distraction, busyness, busybodies, critical words and anything else that stops God’s purpose. Does the man you are interested in have integrity? Does he live above reproach? Does he work ethically and honestly? Does he take care of his family?
Just remember to be patient. Of course, there is no perfect guy. When you finally meet, he won’t look like he’s arrived, but hopefully will have a desire to look more like Christ every day.
What else would you add to this list?