In our interview with Courtney Cohen, “Refining Identity,” we talked about the necessity of knowing our true identity as a precursor to participating in healthy relationships in which love can be given and received. Do you relate with others from a place of authenticity or has a “False Self” taken over? Take this quiz to find out!
Directions. Print this out if it is easier for you or get a piece of paper and number the lines 1-15. Read each statement. Rate yourself using the number scale below. Answer honestly!
3—This is totally me!
2—This is somewhat me.
1—I admit, I do this sometimes.
0—Nope! I don’t do this.
1.____ I say “yes” when I really mean “no.”
2. ____I get depressed when people are upset with me.
3. ____I have a need to be approved by others to feel good about myself.
4. ____I act nice on the outside, but on the inside I am feeling/thinking, “I can’t stand you!”
5. ____I often keep silent in order to “keep the peace.”
6. ____I believe that if I make mistakes, I myself am a failure.
7. ____I criticize others in order to feel better about myself.
8. ____I avoid looking weak or foolish for not having the right answers.
9. ____I have to be doing something exceptional to feel alive.
10. ____I have to be needed to feel alive.
11. ____I am fearful and feel I can’t afford to take risks.
12. ____I do what others want so they won’t get mad at me.
13. ____I use knowledge and competence to cover my feelings of inadequacy.
14. ____I want my children to behave well so others will think I’m a good parent.
15. ____I often find myself comparing myself to other people.
0-7 Congratulations! The threat to your true identity is low.
8-23 Be on guard! Some parts of your true self have been hijacked by the false self.
24-37 Warning! The false self is overtaking your true self.
37-45 Uh-oh! Your false self has kidnapped your true self.
If you have found that you are living from a false self—don’t panic. This is actually good news—because now you are aware! If you are aware you can become empowered to do something about it. The above quiz was used with permission and adapted from one of the very best resources I’ve found on this subject: a book called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ by pastor and author Pete Scazzero.
Pete is the Founder of New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, NYC, a large, multiracial, international church with seventy countries represented.
Pete and his wife Geri are the founders of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, a groundbreaking ministry that equips pastors and leaders with a new leadership paradigm that integrates emotional health and contemplative spirituality.
I highly recommend you check out the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ. Or visit their website for free resources.
It has been a foundational pillar of my own journey toward maturing emotionally and spirituality and living a life of freedom from my past, empowered to be my authentic self.
Stay tuned for more posts related to Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. What questions do YOU have about identity? About overcoming your past? About living in freedom to be your true self? Post your questions in the comments section below!
Pete Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ, Thomas Nelson, Nashville, 2006, “adapted with permission.”