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4 Beliefs About Relationships That Can Make Or Break A Marriage

        Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. –Ephesians 5:25

        Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. –Mark 12:30

The relationship between Christ and the Church gives some interesting correlations when we apply that model to marriage relationships. God’s Word provides supernatural insights into the aspects of a fulfilling relationship with Him. True to the example He gives, they can also be applied to marriage.

These traits of a dedicated follower of Christ also create a solid marriage:

Relational Exclusion

God says, “There is no one else beside me” (Isaiah 45:5, Exodus 20:3). When we enter into a relationship with God, we are claiming and proclaiming Him as our one and only sovereign God. For marriages, there should be no one else in the relationship other than each spouse and Christ at its center. Nothing should compete with the exclusiveness of the relationship. Of course, there should be no wandering eyes or wondering hearts – just complete trust in and commitment to each other.

Relational Passion

God says, “I am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:5, Deuteronomy 5:9). When we are passionate for God, we focus our attention and our “abiding” (John 15:1-7) on Him. When we focus on the things of this world, our passion for God tends to cool. In marriage, the emotional passion the couple shares should be unmatched. The more emotional energy spent on other people and things outside the marriage detracts from the emotional passion for each spouse. Each new day brings the opportunity to fuel and safeguard the mutual passion in marriage.

Relational Priority

God tells us to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33). When we take our eyes off Christ and place them on worldly interests, we reduce our emphasis on and effectiveness for Christ. When we prioritize Him, He blesses our efforts. For marriages, there should be nothing or no one else (aside from God) of greater priority than each spouse. This does not minimize the other relationships with family, children, friends or colleagues; it simply defines the level of priority for each. When others outside the marriage demand more time and attention, it proportionally decreases the time and attention for our spouses.

Relational Satisfaction

God promises to give rest for our souls (Matthew 11:29), supply our every need (Philippians 4:19), quench our thirst (Isaiah 44:3, John 4:14), satisfy our hunger (John 6:51) and give us eternal life (John 10:28). There is no middle or neutral ground with God. He is all in and asks that we return His full acceptance. Either you are for Him or against Him (Matthew 6:24, James 4:4). For marriages, nothing should provide more intrinsic satisfaction or a sense of wholeness than each spouse. The more fulfillment found outside the marriage, the less satisfaction within. As with the exclusivity, passion and priority, if something outside the relationship is more satisfying before marriage, please reconsider getting married in the first place.

In giving us the example of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church, God gave us the precedence to set – and the goal to pursue – in marriage. The relationship should be explicitly exclusive, purposefully passionate, protectively prioritized and sufficiently satisfying.

To better understand God’s goal for marriage, look closer at His characteristics. Nothing about Him is mediocre – He is loving, holy, passionate, bold, courageous, kind, involved, strong, detailed, supportive, attentive, committed, patient, affectionate, compassionate, humble, honorable, forgiving, trustworthy, joyful, stable, hopeful, considerate and so much more.

Since all of these traits are components of a fulfilling marriage, those you find most challenging show you the areas for self-improvement. They do not happen overnight, nor do they magically appear right after you say “I do.” They should be developed and demonstrated individually long before anyone begins to look for a potential mate. They not only form the basis of a strong friendship, they also forge a strong marriage.

I encourage you never to settle for less in your marital pursuit. More importantly, I hope and pray you settle for nothing less in your relationship with God.

About Nate Stevens

A missionary kid raised in a Christian home and church, Nate Stevens is a lifelong student of Scripture. He has enjoyed a 36-year banking career in a variety of leadership roles. He is the author of "Matched 4 Life," "Matched 4 Life Workbook," "Deck Time with Jesus," and contributes to the Moments book series (Divine Moments, Spoken Moments, Stupid Moments, etc.). He co-leads a singles ministry in the Charlotte, NC area and is a popular speaker / teacher at conferences, seminars and Bible study groups, speaking on a wide variety of topics. Nate currently lives near Charlotte, North Carolina, is a newlywed to his beautiful wife, Karen, and is an active dad with two awesome kids, Melissa and Mitchell.
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