Back in my college days, I sensed God beginning to speak to me that marriage was part of His plan for me.
I remember hoping that it would be, but I often wondered if I was hearing right.
I’m now entering the latter part of my 30s (the very latter part) and like many girls, I have a desire to be married. I wouldn’t say I desired to wait this long, but it seems to be the plan God has, so I’ve learned to trust that.
Over the years I have laid many requests before the Lord and heard His voice, seen His handiwork and experienced His provisions time and time again. I have been blessed over and over and am very thankful; yet that certain ring finger is still bare.
Have you ever felt the pain of waiting?
Not just waiting, but waiting and waiting and then waiting some more? Sometimes not just months pass, but years and years, and you keep believing and keep waiting, but in the back of your mind you start to wonder, “What in the world is going on here? Did I not hear right? Have I missed something?” Isn’t it just like the enemy to point out and exaggerate that one area of your life where God hasn’t seemingly moved yet?
Truthfully your needs are being met, but there’s that one area in which you have really been hoping and praying God would change your circumstances and yet … nothing. And after a time, it can leave you asking, “Why?”
I don’t believe I am going to get married simply because I have a desire. I do believe I have a God-given desire, but more than that, I believe I have a word from the Lord.
To be honest, there have been a couple of times over the years when various circumstances caused me to question or wonder if I even wanted to get married, but then I was reminded of what I sense the Lord has spoken to my heart.
I could give you detail after detail, but over the years, God has repeated His word to me regarding marriage several times. He has given friends dreams about my wedding—even visions to two people—and has brought confirmation from pastors and leaders/mentors. But if I’m being honest, I’ve still struggled with believing at times.
Year after year after year would pass, and it became more and more difficult to look away from the reality of remaining single and feeling alone. I tried to be in faith and expectancy and would pray, “Lord, if it is Your will, let it happen today/tomorrow/this month,” but when that time came and went, it left me disappointed and discouraged. I carried on with life as best I could socializing, traveling, involving myself in church, etc., but I still became distracted and began to lose hope. My trust began to wane, and as Proverbs 13 states, hope deferred made my heart sick.
God soon revealed that in my heart, my prayer was out of order. What I really wanted was, “Let it happen soon,” instead of “Let Your will be done (no matter how long it takes).”
I believe one of our greatest struggles in life is trusting and embracing God’s’ timing.
Men such as Abraham and David received promises from God—big promises from God—that did not come to fulfillment for many years. How did they live out each day all those years while they waited? Romans 4:19-21 shows us that Abraham didn’t consider his circumstances (and let’s be honest, they looked pretty grim between him and Sarah!).
“He (Abraham) did not waver in unbelief but was fully convinced” that what God said, He would do. Unbelief is sin, and we need to be on guard against it. Let’s not be a people who have to repent over and over again of unbelief due to a timing issue. Abraham lived by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). He had resolved the matter.
So about six months ago, I was at a women’s conference and strongly sensed the Lord saying one thing: “I want you to get a resolve about getting married. It’s more than what you desire; it’s part of My plan for you, and you need to get resolved about it so we can move forward in preparation.”
That word changed my perspective radically.
God wanted more than to give me the desire of my heart; He wanted to accomplish His purposes, and He needed me to participate by resolving the matter.
So many times we think we can just wait until we see God move and then respond, when often God is waiting for us to move out in obedience to something He’s already told us. If you don’t fully believe and get a resolve, though, how can you move forward?
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to just forget my circumstances, but I could choose to stop focusing on them and keep the enemy from elevating them in my mind. I had a serious, for real, come-to-Jesus meeting, and after asking myself some hard questions, came to this resolve. I decided firmly that:
God IS good, faithful and trustworthy, and He loves me more than I can begin to imagine.
He will do what He has ordained and promised—always. His plans are good to me and for me. He always has our best in mind.
Along with the Pharisees and even the disciples, I too have been rebuked by God for having little faith. It’s that underdeveloped faith, one that lacks confidence and trust, that Jesus will not respond to. Faith is not passive, but often requires proactivity on our part. Jesus commended the great faith of the paralytic’s friends, the woman with the issue of blood who pressed through the crowd, the centurion asking for his servant to be healed, and so many more.
We should ask and believe God for great things and be resolved and ready for our part, no matter how small or big.
Maybe it’s time for more of us to really examine ourselves and see if, or how much, we are really in faith (2 Corinthians 13:5). Are we prepared to have the genuineness of our faith tested by fire (1 Peter 1:7) for a greater purpose than we can see? Let’s ask big of God, in faith, with no doubting (James 1:6-8) and even be willing to “call those things which do not (yet) exist as though they did” (Romans 4:17).
I am so very thankful for the Holy Spirit who speaks truth and will even tell us of things to come (John 16:13) so we can partner with Him in seeing God’s purposes completed in the Earth for His glory.
Praying for you to be blessed and encouraged as you go today. God has great plans for you as well. Hear what He is saying today. And if you’re struggling with doubts, look to God, find rest in resolving, and don’t move. Surround yourself with others who will walk in faith with you. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. (Hebrews. 11:6).
I’ll keep you posted on my upcoming marriage!