Single Not Suffering

Dear Single Gals,

Let’s pretend we are at an adorable coffee shop right now. The music is light and dreamy, and of course the smells of coffee and baked goodies fill the air. You’re sipping your favorite drink, and I’m drinking a latte with coconut milk. We’re sitting in the most comfy chairs imaginable, my left leg tucked under me as I listen to you tell your story. You go through your struggles, your hurts, your failures, your victories, your breakthroughs, your hallelujah moments. We laugh at moments, and at one point we both tear up. I love rejoicing with you over what the Lord has done in your life. It feels like we are old friends even though we’ve just met.

Then there’s a pause before I ask, “Are you content in your singleness?”

It’s a hard question. It’s a loaded question. It’s one that makes you really think about things.

In the stillness, I begin to tell you my story.

I had my life planned out one way, but that wasn’t what God had for me. I tried to have it all together, but He wanted me all apart. In one of the hardest years ever, I was in four weddings (yes, literally four in one year). I messed up and turned to things that weren’t Jesus. I wondered what was wrong with me, why I didn’t measure up. I felt forgotten and abandoned.

But that’s right where the Lord wanted me — in a place where I let Him have the wounds. Where I let Him have all the pieces I didn’t know what to do with. I allowed Him into the darkness so He could bring me into the light. I gave Him the hidden parts that I was scared to face. We embarked on a journey hand in hand, where I abandoned everything I wanted. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t overnight, but it was worth everything. I recall the moment when I realized that if it meant sacrificing even a bit of what I had going with Jesus, I never wanted to get married. It was a breakthrough moment for me with lots of sobs and snot. I realized He is worth more than absolutely anything to me, and I would give up anything and everything to go deeper in Him. A load was definitely lifted off of me that day. I felt free from the pressure of trying to be the perfect girl for somebody else.

I don’t know where you are with contentment. I sincerely hope that this fake coffee date has you thinking about it.

Is He enough? You will never be content if your answer is no. Getting married will not fulfill that. Having kids will not fulfill that. A new promotion will not fulfill that. Winning the lottery will not fulfill that. Your wildest dreams coming true will not fulfill that. ONLY JESUS.

Dear One, let me tell you what Jesus says about you …

You are not forgotten. You are not overlooked. You are right where you are supposed to be. You don’t have to hide in shame. There is no fear in His perfect love. Everything you’ve gone through, everything you’ve experienced has brought you here and now. You were born for such a time as this. His heart is for you. Oh, goodness how He adores you. He delights in you.

I want with every ounce of my being for you to be content in Jesus. It doesn’t by any means mean the desire for marriage is not there; it means the desire is not your idol. It means Jesus is it. This isn’t a one-time choice but a daily surrender. It’s you making the choice to abide in Him.

Singleness doesn’t have to be a sad thing. It doesn’t have to be painful. Being content in Jesus changes everything. Instead of wallowing and complaining, there is joy and hope. You can live wholeheartedly for the Lord in your single season and enjoy the wait for your spouse. Ultimately, it’s possible to be single and not suffering.