I was recently on a relationship panel with several other single women and men alongside married people. One of the questions submitted by the audience toward the singles was: “Why are you single?”
Of all the answers considered, such as “I haven’t been found yet” or “I’m overqualified” or something of the like, I responded that I don’t want to settle. The truth is I could be not single in this season, but I don’t believe it would be in God’s will for me. I know what it’s like to date and be in relationships outside of the divine will of God; it can be frustrating, dramatic and compromising. It can build a wall between you and the Father.
So that’s why, in essence, I’m single. One of my friends followed up to that with a question on what my standards are, since I have decided not to settle. I’ve discerned that some of the men who wanted my time and attention didn’t have God as a priority in their lives, which is very important to me, so why settle to not be single anymore?
There are seasons in our single journey when we get so weary of waiting that we mistake compromising for settling down. But when you have moments like that — and you may have many — you have to remember these three truths:
God has been faithful.
For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. –Psalm 100:5
Whether you’re single or dating, when you’ve been waiting for the next chapter in your love story to begin, you can get discouraged about the who’s, how’s, where’s and most of the all the when’s. When I have these moments, I think back on how God has been faithful to me in my most trying times. They remind me that God heard my prayers and knew when I wondered about things that were out of my control.
Make a mental or physical list of all the breakthroughs the Lord has made for you when it was totally out of your control or you were close to giving up. Now, we don’t have control over when a godly spouse will enter the picture. We are just required to not waver in our faith because He is still God, no matter what the outcome is and when it transpires.
God will keep you.
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. –1 Peter 5:10
When you are running low on strength and feel tempted to give up waiting on God’s will for your relationship status, remember that He is more than able to keep you. When so many people seem to be happy in loving relationships and you desire the same, it may be hard to believe. Our Father is not so far from us that He can’t understand what makes our hearts flutter in excitement and the angst that causes hairline breaks within.
This is the best time to be honest to God in prayer. We can put up all the fronts we want for people, but we know God knows us truly in our core and how we feel in our single season. Most days I’m content, and other days I’m impatient in waiting. But God keeps me, including right now. He’s honest with me when I’m impatient and humbles me with His gentle truth to trust His process in shaping me into the person He destined for me to be for His glory and for others.
God is not finished.
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. –Hebrews 10:35-36
It’s easy to believe that this season is all that there will be for your life, but that is not so. Remember that the Lord specializes in renewing, restoring and revealing. He will not leave us in this place without direction and confirmation for long. That means our trust has to increase in Him as we walk out into each new day. As long as we’re living, we’re not finished.
As I’ve experienced in my own life, choosing to settle can only detour you from your desired future. Don’t cheat yourself from the worries in society, timing, etc. Ask the Lord to restore your hope for your personal future when you question your single season or consider settling for less. He knows you, and He has not forgotten you!
When you’re questioned about your single status or season, trusting God through faith is your best response. Stay faithful to the Lord even when you feel like settling; trust that no matter what your now looks like, what He’s doing on your behalf is for your benefit and for His glory.