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5 Signs Of A Cheater

Photo courtesy of  Caroline Donahue  via Flickr
Photo courtesy of Caroline Donahue
via Flickr

When you enter into a relationship, you are investing your heart, so the last thing you want to be dealing with is a cheater. Actually, the ultimate nightmare in a relationship is to be with someone you think is a particular way only to find out they lack integrity. Cheaters come in all forms, and before you invest your heart into a new relationship, you may want to explore the top five signs of a cheater.

Sign #1: A Cheater Does Not Appreciate Your Value.

Cheaters use people, and they do not stick around long enough to really see the value of the individuals around them. Partners in healthy relationships  “see each other” with value, and they become irreplaceable. Meanwhile, cheaters are with people they care about, but they do not necessarily see them as irreplaceable, unique or exceptional on any level. In fact, cheaters are so self-involved they often cannot see outside of their own needs.

Sign #2: A Cheater Does Not Include You In Their Future.

If you want to know the prognosis of whether your relationship is going to last or not, ask your partner about your future plans together. Cheaters have vague future plans with you because they are always looking for the opportunity to be free, play the field, and not be tied down to over-involved commitments. Often cheaters talk about themselves in the future, and in their non-committing way they usually see  partners as just a side ornament in their plans, not the main character.

Sign #3: A Cheater Develops Intense Attachments To Others For Short Periods Of Time.

Serial cheaters are adrenaline junkies. They like the rush of intensity, and they connect with others in drama and then move on. Often cheaters use the excuse of helping someone or needing to rescue them from a situation as an excuse to spend time together. For this reason emotional affairs often lead to physical affairs.

Sign #4: A Cheater Compartmentalizes The Parts Of Their Life.

Cheaters lie and cover their tracks, so they never want all the same people they know together in the same room to compare stories. As a result, cheaters will divide up parts of their lives or groups of friends into pods that never get to intermingle. If you are in a relationship and you never meet your partner’s co-workers, family members, or friends, you may want to ask why.

Sign #5: A Cheater Is Secretive.

Cheaters provide information on a need-to-know basis so they can spin lies, omit details and keep everyone guessing with the maximum amount of freedom possible. As a result, you can feel like you are spending a lot of time “chasing down the truth.” If things don’t make sense and you feel like you are going crazy, you may be in a relationship with a cheater who is leading a “double life” or has a secret side. Most affairs happen after hours of work, so cheaters use extended work hours as a cover for their liaisons.

Cheaters are manipulators who use others to get what they want, and they often draw people into their lives both with their charm and by gaining sympathy. Manipulators often have a sad story of how other people have used them or done them wrong, or they have received the short stick of life somehow. With this sad story, they draw others in while taking very little responsibility for the trail of broken hearts they have left along the way. Now that you know the signs of a cheater, you can pay attention to those little warning bells that sound before you invest your heart.

About Cathy Patterson-Sterling

Cathy Patterson-Sterling is a Christian counselor with a counseling ministry called Real Life Tool Box. She is an author, speaker, wife, mother and friend. Through her counseling ministry, she offers more than 50 e-learning audio play courses to help people grow in faith and have their healthiest relationships. She is passionate about helping people find freedom from fear or other emotional strongholds that are holding them back from living out their greatest potential in God's plans for their lives.
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