There is not one human being on the earth who has not felt rejected at one time or another. It’s the nature of the fallen world in which we live. At the end of the day, most people will default to doing what is best for them at the expense of another.
When it comes to dating, rejection can sting! It leaves us with feelings of self-doubt, insecurity and anger. It makes us begin to question the manner in which we do things. We find ourselves asking questions and making statements like: What’s wrong with me? How could I have been so stupid? Maybe I could have done more to make this work. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. If only I had another chance, I would do anything to make you happy!
We tend to be hard on ourselves and sell ourselves short. Don’t get me wrong—it’s always good to take self-inventory of your emotional health. For the sake of this article, I’m referring to the times we thought something should have worked out but didn’t.
I want to give you a new perspective on rejection.
What if people’s rejection was really God’s protection?
What if every “no” by someone else was God’s way of protecting you while you mature in the truth of what He has been saying to you all along?
I look back over many, many failed dating relationships over the course of my life and say, “Thank you Jesus for protecting me from myself.” The truth is that I was looking for things in other people that only God could give and had already given me.
The reason being rejected is so painful is because we have put some kind of expectation on that person that they were never intended to meet.
Only God can give you the whole emotional package.
What do I mean by that?
1. Identity in Christ says you are perfect, spotless and blameless. You are not going to hear that truth anywhere other than from the Holy Spirit and God’s word.
“For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:21 NLT).
In the early years of my marriage, I was constantly looking to my wife to validate me. I put this constant subconscious pressure and expectation on her, which she could never meet, therefore putting a tremendous strain on our relationship, while the whole time God was saying, “You are my beloved son in whom I’m well pleased!”
2. God gives you security in Jesus. True, peace-giving security comes only from Jesus, period.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27 NIV).
There are no guarantees in this life. If your security does not come from knowing Jesus, then you will constantly deal with disappointment and rejection.
My wife would tell you that throughout our marriage, she had put her own subconscious pressure on me to stabilize and secure her in a way that only God could provide, often at the expense of who God created me to be. I know in both personal illustrations there was nothing that was ever good enough for either of us to feel what we so desperately wanted to feel. It became an emotional black hole of sorts.
3. Only Jesus gives the unconditional acceptance that we often snub in favor of the approval of others. People inherently want to feel loved, needed and accepted, and I understand that. However, there is only one in the whole universe who makes the claim, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
Be content with what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b NIV).
Being single or being married really doesn’t make a difference when it comes to rejection. It’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of what you are going to choose to believe in a particular situation, whether it’s a dating relationship, friend, parents or any other relationship. Your feelings of rejection don’t change the truth of what God says about you and who He says you are.
You must keep in mind that Jesus, the author of creation, knew what it felt like to be rejected by His own people and even His own disciples.
The fact of the matter is, when you look at it scripturally, God’s perfect plan came to fruition because of the rejections Jesus encountered.
Can you see Jesus sitting around feeling sorry for Himself asking, “Where did everybody go and why don’t they like me?” Preposterous! He was about the Father’s business and, in doing so, He walked in the knowledge that He was a Son, fully accepted and secure in His Father’s provision.
So the next time your feelings of rejection surface, ask God to reveal His truths to you.
Father, am I your beloved child?
Holy Spirit, am I safe and secure in Your hands?
Jesus, do you accept me unconditionally?
If you are not unequivocally hearing “yes” to those questions, then you’re not hearing from God, because His word answers all those questions with a “yes” and without reproach!
So turn people’s rejection in to your heavenly Father’s protection!