Are You The Reason You Are Single?

 “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT

Everything is not always as it seems. And most of us do not see ourselves the way others do.

Here lately, God has me camped out in the idea of singleness due to one’s own self. Meaning, YOU are the reason you are still single.

Sure, God’s standards aren’t easy to maintain and, in fact, often go against our culture. After all, how many of us actually practice celibacy outside of marriage? Or actively I know that those of us who do practice God’s standards to the best of our ability sometimes feel like we’ve been left in the dust. Maybe we feel like his standards are what make singleness a permanent reality rather than a passing season.

You could be your reason for singleness.

Perhaps you are a really great person, but people can’t tell by your attitude or pessimistic outlook on life. Or, maybe you just don’t get out enough, so the right people don’t know who you are and what you have to offer. Maybe you’ve been through so much already that you would rather risk remaining single than to go on dates because you “don’t know him (her) that well.”

Maybe it’s something else, and if it is, I want to encourage you right now to really think about what it could be that’s keeping you single when you really want to be married.

I want you to do it because one day the light bulb came on for me. I realized that my prolonged singleness could have been due to lack of readiness for marriage, and that my own hands had a part in it.

John 15 talks about how God will give us whatever we ask for. And about 5 years ago, after reading that I would have had the heart that said “Well, then, how do I get to the goal of marriage?” But we’re not talking about asking like you ask Santa. We’re talking about asking a generous and loving Father who wants to get the glory out of our limited but beautiful selves. We’re talking about asking a God who will give you whatever you ask for, and all you have to do in return is to abide in the Son He sent to die for you on the Cross.

To abide in Christ means that you can’t be camped out somewhere else.

It means that you ponder over his parables until your heart receives the message and your life finally begins to line up.

It means making mistakes and being hurt but forgiving yourself and others when that happens.

It means humbling yourself to God, living out His Word and relinquishing your need to be right.

A new you and a new life is waiting to be had. The question is, are you willing to let go of everything–habits, mindsets, attitudes, lifestyles–that keep you in the place where you continue to get in your own way?

I don’t know that I believe in the “gift” of singleness.

I do believe that every generation and era has its own unique challenges to overcome if they are to live the Word of God. And although God created us for fellowship and marital union, today’s culture at large definitely does not value it. The question still remains, though: If you want a godly marriage, are you willing to let God’s Word, your relationship with Him and your salvation through Jesus Christ make you over into a new creature who can receive the very things you say you want?

The goal in life, according to John 15, is to bear much fruit so you can truly be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I asked, What type of fruit should we bear? It came to me that it’s just the outward sign that God’s Word abides in us. I think that in your singleness, your fruit is what will attract the right man or woman, and that perhaps your lack of fruit could be keeping you single. I could be wrong. I just know that since I started showing a little fruit of my own, things have been changing for the better!

Remain in God’s Word and it will remain in you so you can bear much fruit.