Wednesday, April 17, 2024
Home » Relationships » Cutting Ties With Your Past

Cutting Ties With Your Past


I recently took a trip to a place I once called home. What I found was not home. I found a land and a people I once knew. One that I no longer connected to. A land where I no longer felt like me.

It’s a strange thing to leave a place one person and return a short time later a completely different person.

Have you ever had a time in life like this? Whether it be vocation change, location change or community change, have you ever felt out of place at “home”?

Over the course of this trip I realized it was time to fully let go of what was and trust the new journey I had placed myself on. To find home in this new place. This new journey was and still is challenging, tiring and frustrating as hell. But at the same time the journey has awakened me. It began the birthing process of some of my greatest, scariest and most desired dreams.

On this trip, I asked myself if I had fully committed to the new path I had chosen. I realized that while my heart was diving in and ready, parts of my past still held me. Old friendships, old mindsets and old dreams were taking up prime real estate in my mind, soul and heart. I began the conversation with myself: What does it look like to untangle from my past and free myself to engage with the future? Below is the conversation that happened. It’s the conversation that brought change and the fullness of a new season.

If you identify with being in the middle of a life change, finding a new you, but still feel bound by the past, look at the questions I asked myself below. Take from it what you need and run free. Be you. The you you are to be right here and right now. Not the you you once were.

What taxes you that you know is from your past?

I discovered I was holding on to old relationships that no longer fit in my new season of life. I was ready to let them go. Before you get your panties in a bunch. I didn’t cut everyone out of my life and I most certainly didn’t stop loving them! I merely realized some relationships are seasonal and some relationships naturally morph and change over the course of time. I learned I may have few that are with me, through thick and thin – from the beginning to the end.

It’s okay to let go of old relationships. It’s okay to allow them to take their course and be seasonal if that is what they need to be. I searched my heart and tightened my relational circle. I made room for the new individuals that I get to discover in this season of life! And allowed those once closely tied to me to go experience the new as well. Look around … who is to travel with you in this season?

Are your dreams aligned with the new land, the new people and the new you?

My dreams were still based upon my old environment. They revolved around the people and things I once knew. They were good dreams – fun dreams – but they were dreams that no longer applied to where I wanted to go. I realized I felt failure when I gave thought to them. Why hadn’t I accomplished them? Would I ever reach them? They were all great dreams. But the dreams were for that time of life and ready for a facelift. I began to look at each dream that came to mind and analyzed if that dream was to be carried into the future. I asked myself if I needed to keep the dream, change the dream, or throw away the dream. It allowed me to focus on the present and future. It allowed me to dream for the new land I am to take, the new people I am to influence, and the new desires I had found myself to have.

Search your dreams. Are they aligned with your season? Are they aligned with the YOU, you are now?

Are there any past mindsets that would hinder your current journey?

This was a scary question. Who wants to go through the difficult work of changing a mindset? But it was well worth it. I took stock of mindsets I had held in the past and found some to be only for that season, some that I could carry forward and some that were downright harmful then and now. I did the same as I did with my relationships and my dreams, and I categorized them. I kept the life-giving mindsets, I changed and shifted the mindsets that needed new shape and I threw away the mindsets that were detrimental to this season and my future. I still seek understanding and truth as each new mindset surfaces. I am most definitely in process on this step!

Examine what’s going on between those two ears of yours. Is your mind equipped to take you where you want to go?
I’ve made space for the new journey. The new me that dreams grander dreams. The new me that is ready for new relationships. The new me who believes I can and I will accomplish what I long to do.

I will forever be an advocate of exploring the unknown and a strong promoter of the lifestyle of trying the new, saying yes and not looking back.

The ties have been cut. My past no longer defines the present and future. I am now free to reach for the stars in this new season.

What dreams are you reaching for in this time in your life?

Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.  –Isaiah 43:18-19 (NASB)

Shelby Harveaux

Shelby currently resides in LA with her husband, Miller. She is passionate about living life to the fullest, never settling. She believes in the power of being in process and not running away from messy. She believes that the world can be radically impacted by one individual walking in their truest identity. Her greatest desire is to see people, including herself, pursuing life daily. She believes life shouldn’t happen to us but rather we should happen to life!

About Single Matters

Single Matters is thrilled to share posts from guest writers. You'll find the bio of the writer inside the article.
Donate Today!

Please note: Comments will not be posted until approved by our moderator. It may be a bit before you see your comment. We reserve the right to block comments that are snarky or off-topic and they may be edited for tone and clarity. We believe in offering different opinions but will not allow offensive language. For more details read our Comment Guidelines.