Have you ever had a relationship fail to work out, as friends and family said, “Don’t worry, there are always more fish in the sea”?
Be encouraged! Grab this imaginary fishing rod as you charge into the sea of dating opportunity again.
If your experience is anything like my reality in dating, then you may grow tired of casting that line as you wonder, where are all the great fish? Why doesn’t someone see me as a catch? Or even worse … why am I picking up all the bottom feeders? You may be fishing in the wrong sea of dating.
One big mistake I made with my imaginary fishing rod of dating was that I would try to pour energy as well as time into the first fish I caught. If I got anyone’s attention for a moment, then I would begin this process of trying to make something out of nothing. As I grew older, this issue became more of a problem, and I wasted a lot of precious time as well as energy trying to turn potential love interests into the great loves of my life. If they didn’t call back, I made excuses for their level of emotional unavailability, and I kept talking myself into reasons why I should give these situations one last try while compromising my value as well as worth.
In one word, I became desperate.
First of all, I had not looked to see where I was casting my rod. Meeting men in bars was a dead-end road, as heaping piles of emotional issues were covered behind a blur of alcohol. In church, I was one of the many women who tried to get the attention of that one single guy who had the misfortune of walking into the congregation that day. As I learned to stop throwing my rod into the wrong sea of dating, I picked up a few important tips along the way:
Tip #1: Spend time in places where people get to see the real you.
The love of your life is the love of your life because they can “see” you and appreciate who you are at your greatest levels. Nobody can see the real you if you are in a bar, around a group of other desperate friends aggressively trying to get attention from the opposite sex, and so on. Our opportunities are to join clubs, engage in interests, hang out with a large group of healthy friends and more, so that people get to see who we are and what we are all about in life.
Tip #2: Don’t work so hard to get people’s attention.
If someone is interested in you, let them come to you. Flirt and have fun, but if you are doing all the work to get their attention, then they are obviously not interested. Also, if they do give you the time of day and you work hard for their attention, then they will act as if they are doing you a favor by seeing you. As a result, you will journey down a road called desperation.
Tip #3: Set your value at a high level.
People will come and meet you in the value you set for yourself. If you expect good treatment, then people will treat you well. On the other hand, if you let poor treatment from others become comfortable, then being treated badly is what you will get every time.
A Final Thought
Our opportunity is to expand the parameters of the sea and meet lots of people, but remember: Don’t hold on to the first fish you catch and try and make them into the love of your life, because you might be fishing in the wrong part of the sea!