Ever had enough of heartbreak? Ever had enough of the pain that comes with it?
The pain that comes with another failed relationship is something I don’t care to experience again. I’ve had three relationships in my 34 years here on this earth. Each of them has been different. Each of them have been equally painful. My last relationship was the healthiest one. I finally lead well. However, leading well doesn’t mean you won’t still grieve when it ends. Sometimes you just can’t do anything to stop the pain.
I have no doubt of my worth and value in Christ or how well I lead in a relationship. I’ve written about this before in the Single Matters article Why am I not enough?. I know the pain that I’m feeling is grief, not hurt. But I keep asking myself … Why does it take me so long to recover? Why does it seem that other people take a short time to grieve, they heal, and then they’re good to go? Why does it take its toll on me and not others?
As I continue to walk on this road of recovery, I wonder if I should ever take the risk being heartbroken again. It’s a long and lonely road. There are so many questions, but no answers. This hurt questions my value and identity. It questions what I know to be true and what I feel.
How do I get rid of the cardinal lying side of me so I can see the truth that God sees?
I really don’t know what to tell you. I’m not there yet.
Since I’ve never been at this place in my walk, I don’t know if I’m not wired to take a loss like this. I do believe that the Lord can heal and will heal. But the pain seems so great that maybe it’s not worth doing again. Could the search for love be a stumbling block in my walk with Christ? Is this the reason some people choose singleness?
Right now there are lots of questions and no answers. And most likely, answers are not coming. But I do have choices. Right now I must trust in the Lord’s sovereignty and His goodness. I may be distracted by my feelings, but I’m not governed by my feelings. I trust in the Word of God.
I was created for love.
I have contemplated the thought that I wasn’t made for marriage. The Bible says in Matthew 19:12, “There are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom in heaven.” But that’s NOT me. Marriage is not distracting me from the Gospel. It’s the pain that is distracting me. I’m not thinking about the Gospel. I’m thinking about how I can avoid the pain … and that’s not a reason to stay single forever.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. — John 16:33
God sees me in the valley.
I’m an ENFP. I’m a major feeler. I cry. When I’m heartbroken, I cry a lot! But something my “disciple” told me was, “Man I wish I could cry. Some of the sweetest times we have with the Lord are when we reach out to the Lord while we cry and mourn.”
I’ve learned the Lord is most faithful to comfort us when we are vulnerable and in pain.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. — Psalm 34:18
To love is to be vulnerable.
Ann Voskamp says, “The grief is simply proof that you’re invested in living & loving. Grief is the guaranteed price we pay for love.”
I love that quote. It’s a reminder of the truth about love. Because love and grief are opposite sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other. Christ came to this earth with love, offering salvation for all, and He suffered greatly for it.
For God so loved the world, that he sent his only son …” — John 3:16
I will heal.
I know I will move beyond this season because I have healed in the past. And although I’m not completely there yet, I’ll keep moving forward and remember that eventually I’ll love and be loved again. I will keep my Savior close during my process because He says this:
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. — Philippians 1:6
God’s been faithful in many areas of my life, and I know this situation isn’t any different.
If this is you … you have loved well. Hang in there, you’re going to be okay. The Word declares it.