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Open Letter To Christian Guys From Holly H

Photo courtesy of Sawyer Pangborn via Flickr
Photo courtesy of Sawyer Pangborn via Flickr

Dear Single Christian Guys:

I’ve been meaning to write to you for a while now. I’d like to offer some insights into the female mind (or at least THIS female mind). Do all of us single girls a favor: Read this letter and heed its suggestions. It may just help you in the long run.

First, there’s a difference between wisdom and fear. Stop pretending that you’re being wise by not pursuing a relationship with a certain girl when really you’re just scared of rejection, or worse yet, fear of acceptance. My advice: Make a move.

Maybe you think you need to put a few more solid hours of prayer and fasting into this decision. Maybe you think you need to pull out your WWJD devotional back from your freshman year in high school and see what Jesus would do in this situation. I get it. There are a lot of unknowns and even more questions. I mean, what if she isn’t “the one”? What if she is? If it doesn’t work out, will things get awkward?

Here’s my thinking: Going out for coffee doesn’t mean you’ve signed your life away to this woman, but it does mean that you respect her enough to spend time with her and learn more about her. If for no other reason, go enjoy a good espresso and some well-deserved time away from Facebook. You may not find that in your WWJD devotional, but I’m pretty sure Jesus is okay with you getting some coffee with a girl. Oh, and please pay for her coffee.

I can’t stress this next point enough.

Stop lavishing us with words and no actions. As godly women, we love being encouraged and told how amazing we are—because we are! Admittedly, we love hearing you confirm these facts. There comes a point, though, where your words hurt us more than they help us. Constantly telling us how gorgeous, brilliant and wonderful we are begins to lose its luster when followed by “you’re going to make some guy very happy one day.”

This brings me to my next point: Stop using the phrase, “You’re going to make some guy very happy one day.” In one fell swoop, you friend-zoned us and gave us the perception we aren’t good enough for you. I know it’s not what you meant, but I’m the girl here, and that’s what I “heard.”

That’s what you have to remember. You may be trying very hard to guard our hearts or do things the right way, but sometimes your actions or words are perceived differently than you anticipate. That’s why I’m here. Thankfully, there will be single girls who are more gracious and understanding than I am. They will deal with the fact that you seem like you may be interested but never take the next step. They will continue being thoughtful even when you remind them your intention is to only be friends. They’ll even accept the friend zone with a smile.

But you are also going to meet girls like me. Girls who want you to take a chance, even if it means all that transpired was a weird night out for some mediocre coffee. Girls who are no longer looking for your compliments but are more interested in your actions. And it’s for those girls that I speak up.

Thank you for your attention.


About Holly Hrywnak

Holly is a 30ish-year-old writer who strives to share honestly and transparently in hopes that it will encourage others to be open about their own struggles and lessons learned. She's been accused of being sassy, which she finds to be an admirable attribute. Her favorite things include: making people laugh, chocolate, sweatshirt weather and authentic conversations over coffee. One day she hopes to find herself a bearded lumberjack to call her own.
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