Single Matters Magazine with Jill Monaco Ministries Christian singles discuss the matters of life, relationships, singleness and faith
I had been praying for two years for God to bring a godly man into my life. I prayed daily and even “helped God out” by making a list of all the godly qualities said man should have.
Maybe you’ve done this too:
- He should love the Lord.
- He must be passionate about his work.
- He should have the patience of Job, the courage of David and the wisdom of Solomon.
Surely if I made my requests known to God, He’d be faithful to give me the desires of my heart. Right!?!
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been in love with being in love, but the picture I painted in my mind was very lopsided. I envisioned all the romantic gestures my man would shower upon me. I could hear the words of affirmation being spoken over me.
Soon my dreams became a reality when God blessed me with a man who would meet all of my qualifications and more. I received this blessing with open arms; my love bucket certainly runneth over. A year into our dating, we began to talk marriage. We looked at houses together and made plans on how our blended family would soon merge into one.
However, sometimes our plans don’t match God’s plans, and we were soon faced with a season of difficulties that would ultimately lead to parting ways. Here’s what I learned.
1. Thank God for unanswered prayer.
It’s been three years since this relationship ended, and I never thought there would be a time when I’d be able to truly thank God for the pain I endured as I watched this relationship crumble. I cried out to God so deeply during this time. I soaked in His presence daily because it was the only thing that kept me going.
2. Ask God questions, and let Him ask you questions.
On one particular day I rode my bike to a secluded spot by the lake, armed with nothing but my Bible and a notebook. I cried out to God and asked Him a question that would change my life forever:
“Why are all the guys I date jerks?”
Can you relate? Have you been believing that everything that’s going on around you is happening to you instead of happening through you?
God knew I was ready for that answer, because without delay He spoke to my heart: “What is the one common denominator in all your failed relationships?” My tears immediately stopped, I adjusted myself on the bench, swallowed hard and painfully uttered, “Me.”
3. Listen for God’s answer.
Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here. God had been so tender and gentle with me prior to this moment. He gave me Scripture to hold onto, like “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy” (Psalm 126:5 NIV). He clothed me with His presence when I’d fall to my knees because the pain felt so unbearable. God met me exactly where I was, He sat with me as I sulked in self pity and the avoidance of all responsibility. He knew the exact moment I’d be ready and willing to take His hand and be pulled out of the pit. He knew I was ready to hear the hard truth that I had been scooting around for years. He knew in that moment His daughter needed the firm hand of a heavenly Father to guide her down the road of restoration. And oh, how God has restored me!
4. Let Him speak to you about your worth.
When we attempt to look for our identity in the wrong places, we end up finding a lie — a crumbling foundation that could give way at any moment. It will tell you that you aren’t worthy of love. It screams you’re not good enough, pretty enough or thin enough. It measures your worth by the number of zeros listed on your bank statement or the prestigious letters added to your name. It stereotypes a single person as less than complete. We were never meant to look to people, places or things to fill the void only God can fill.
We shouldn’t be searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right to complete us. We are already complete in Christ. In God’s perfect timing, and according to His perfect will, we will be cleaved to another. Not to create a completed person, but to create something entirely new. Something that has never been and never will be again.
I still pray that God will bring a godly husband into my life. In fact, I pray for my future husband almost daily. I have changed one thing though; I now ask God to romance my soul. And as He loves me completely and wholly like only He can, I wait for the blessing of a godly husband.
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Michelle Eigemann is an ordinary mom who has been called to walk out an extraordinary mission. She is passionate about people and holds a special place in her heart for those with special needs. She is a daughter of the King first, but also holds the title of mother, friend, sister, social worker, teacher, writer and communicator. Her favorite Scripture is Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!'”
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