I’ve been on Facebook since 2007. In those eight years, not once have I ever been “Facebook official.”
My relationship status has remained unchanged and that has been a difficult reality to walk through. On an almost daily basis I see others celebrating a new relationship or engagement or marriage. The hundreds of “likes” reaffirm how happy everyone is for the couple, as well as, the long thread of “YAY!” comments you are sure to find. Relationships, at least the healthy ones, are something to be celebrated because it means two people are choosing to love someone else more than themselves.
You don’t have to scroll down my Facebook page too far to realize I’m single. I’ve usually got a sassy remark about my singleness or some kind of silly confession concerning my search for a bearded lumberjack to call my own. I’m single and I don’t mind talking about it. Not because I’m desperate, but because it’s a part of who I am.
“Hi. I’m Holly and I’m single.”
The problem for me is that I start believing that’s the entirety of who I am. I’m Holly and I’m single and that’s it. And if that is all there is to say about me then I can start to make some other (untrue) conclusions about myself. If I’m single, then I must also be unwanted, unloved, unnoticed and unworthy. If I were being honest — and I am being honest— when I think about my singleness, I often struggle with those feelings.
I’ve been single for eight years, maybe I really am unworthy of love.
Far too often, I let my relationship status define my identity and the way I view myself. And that view is not pretty, my friends. It is lonely, dark and packed full of lies. As a woman of God, my identity cannot or should not be found in who I say I am (or what my Facebook relationship status says I am), but who God says I am. My Creator’s view of me isn’t just broader than my singleness, it is steeped full of hope and light.
When I find my identity in Christ, I recognize that I am wanted.
My singleness may be telling me that no one wants me, but the Bible tells me I was loved before I was even born (Jeremiah 1:5). God created me not because He had to, but because He wanted to. I am one of His good ideas come to life! As are you — and that’s a beautiful and humbling reality.
When I find my identity in Christ, I recognize that I am loved.
My singleness may be telling me that no one loves me, but the Bible tells me that I have been loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). God has loved me forever and will love me forever. “I love you infinity” takes a whole new perspective when we realize that’s the kind of love God has for us. There’s never been a point where God hasn’t loved us. You are secured right in the middle of the love of God. You can’t outrun it and you can’t deplete it.
When I find my identity in Christ, I recognize that I am noticed.
God knows the exact number of hairs on my head and the ones in my shower drain, too (Matthew 29:30). He knows when I wake up every morning and He catches all of my tears. Nothing I do, or say, or think goes unnoticed by God. I can’t hide from His gaze because His sights are always set on me. Not because He’s some controlling talking head, but because He loves me. He’s not some distant, silent Father, but a Father who is in the middle of my everyday life. He sees me even when I feel overlooked and forgotten.
When I find my identity in Christ, I recognize I am worthy of love.
Psalm 139 tells me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Garbage is not fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a treasure. A masterpiece. God’s unique poem. His beloved. Every moment of every day I am receptor of His great love. He gives it freely to me because He says I am a worthy recipient.
Our identity doesn’t change with our relationship status. The truth is YOU you are wanted, loved, noticed, and worthy of love whether you are married, single, divorced, widowed or separated.
You are who God says you are. And that will never change.