So, I was sick for several days in October. It was one of those colds that comes in out of nowhere and just destroys your plans. For some reason, whenever I get that sort of cold, I always want pancakes.
Silly me. I tried a new pancake recipe that was a lot thicker than my other pancake recipe, and long story short, I had scrambled pancakes for dinner.
As I was scraping the pancakes off the pan, I was overwhelmed with this sense of shame.
You’re not a homemaker.
Despite the syrup-y goodness, I nearly cried. In that moment, I was in very real danger of believing Satan’s lie that my lack of a nuclear-family home has any bearing on my value as a child of God, or even my value as a woman.
Often, tied up in my desire for marriage, I have also bundled my femininity, my beauty and my homemaking ability. So in my illogical, warped brain: If I’m not married, I’m not feminine, not beautiful and not at home. The pancake incident shed light on a dark corner of my heart. I feel a degree of shame about my untested homemaking skills, and my shame causes my mind to spiral into a whirlwind of shame-driven doubts about … well, me.
I’m ashamed that I can’t make amazing pancakes, and then it gets worse. I’m ashamed of my shame—meaning I’m embarrassed that as an educated, liberated, millennial woman, I still want to make a home for a man and our children. And, further down the hole still—I’m deeply ashamed that I haven’t been able to “make it happen.”
Yes. Some of that baggage is cultural, but honestly, a lot of it is a consequence of believing lies. Satan is the author of lies, and there are many that may trap you.
Here’s my quagmire:
Lie #1: I’m not married because I’m not feminine.
Truth: God has made me a woman. I am inherently feminine.
Lie #2: I’m not married because I’m unlovable.
Truth: God has created me with the capacity to love and be loved.
Despite my sin, God loves me. In His grace, He grows in me a desire to love Him. Married or unmarried, I can love others in a tangible and life-affirming way. And, through God’s mercy, I can be loved in return.
Lie #3: I’m not married because I’m unable to create a home.
Truth: Christ has given us everything we need for godliness and LIFE.
I can fret and worry about my lack of culinary skills, my questionable decorating eye and my often-not-hospitable heart. Jesus hasn’t promised to make me a perfect homemaker, but He has promised that through His death, burial and resurrection—I have all I need to live my earthly life.
I can look at my journey this way. Because God showed me scrambled pancake shame I’m free of any other kind of shame too.