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Scrambled Pancake Shame

Pancake Shame
CC License Courtesy of Adrian Farcas (Ronada) via Flickr

So, I was sick for several days in October. It was one of those colds that comes in out of nowhere and just destroys your plans. For some reason, whenever I get that sort of cold, I always want pancakes.

Silly me. I tried a new pancake recipe that was a lot thicker than my other pancake recipe, and long story short, I had scrambled pancakes for dinner.

As I was scraping the pancakes off the pan, I was overwhelmed with this sense of shame.

You’re not a homemaker.

Despite the syrup-y goodness, I nearly cried. In that moment, I was in very real danger of believing Satan’s lie that my lack of a nuclear-family home has any bearing on my value as a child of God, or even my value as a woman.

Often, tied up in my desire for marriage, I have also bundled my femininity, my beauty and my homemaking ability. So in my illogical, warped brain: If I’m not married, I’m not feminine, not beautiful and not at home. The pancake incident shed light on a dark corner of my heart. I feel a degree of shame about my untested homemaking skills, and my shame causes my mind to spiral into a whirlwind of shame-driven doubts about … well, me.

I’m ashamed that I can’t make amazing pancakes, and then it gets worse. I’m ashamed of my shame—meaning I’m embarrassed that as an educated, liberated, millennial woman, I still want to make a home for a man and our children. And, further down the hole still—I’m deeply ashamed that I haven’t been able to “make it happen.”

Yes. Some of that baggage is cultural, but honestly, a lot of it is a consequence of believing lies. Satan is the author of lies, and there are many that may trap you.

Here’s my quagmire:

Lie #1: I’m not married because I’m not feminine.

Truth: God has made me a woman. I am inherently feminine.

Regardless of my ability to put together a cute outfit, maintain an adequate hip-to-waist ratio or keep my Brooke Shields eyebrows in place—God has made me a woman and feminine.

Lie #2: I’m not married because I’m unlovable.

Truth: God has created me with the capacity to love and be loved.

Despite my sin, God loves me. In His grace, He grows in me a desire to love Him. Married or unmarried, I can love others in a tangible and life-affirming way. And, through God’s mercy, I can be loved in return.

Lie #3: I’m not married because I’m unable to create a home.

Truth: Christ has given us everything we need for godliness and LIFE.

I can fret and worry about my lack of culinary skills, my questionable decorating eye and my often-not-hospitable heart. Jesus hasn’t promised to make me a perfect homemaker, but He has promised that through His death, burial and resurrection—I have all I need to live my earthly life.  

I can look at my journey this way.  Because God showed me scrambled pancake shame I’m free of any other kind of shame too.

Have you struggled with shame? What has God shown you through Anna’s story?

About Anna Hayes

Anna is a 30-year-old who recently left the East Coast for a life as a grad student in a small city somewhere in the middle. She spent several years in East Asia teaching English and loves words, language and being a small part of applying the Gospel to current cultural trends: gender-role confusion, marriage/family breakdown, sexual sin and delayed marriage/unintended singleness.
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