I had ended a five-year relationship because he didn’t want to get married, and I was tired of being someone’s girlfriend.
Time was ticking, and I wanted a life … a married life.
What I didn’t realize is that after leaving this relationship I was on the rebound, and I rebounded like an elastic band into the arms of another man. In this new relationship with the fluttering of hormones, the chemistry of sexual attraction and more, I thought I was in love and I wanted to pick up where I left off … getting ready for marriage in my mind.
There was an investment plan of five years in my head. I was ready to re-invest into someone else so I could erase the pain of disappointment that came after wasting five years in a relationship that had gone nowhere. In fact, I was so in love with the ideal of marital bliss, I had lowered my standards to not caring about “who” I married so long as I “was” married.
Of course, the rebound relationship fell apart, and I couldn’t keep making excuses for this new man’s poor behaviour as well as lack of overall respect for me. No amount of pink wedding bows, cake decorations or wedding décor could cover up a basic fact that my new rebound relationship was a hot mess disaster. I left that relationship feeling more defeated than ever, but I learned to recognize the signs of a rebound relationship.
Sign #1: You are more interested in the vision of the future of what could be while ignoring the reality of what is in this relationship.
Sign #2: You are impatient and want to move on without facing the pain of being alone first.
Sign #3: You keep thinking about your past ex-partner and want to show him/her that you have moved on with someone else.
Sign #4: You try to make something out of nothing and ignore the warning signs that this new relationship is not going well.
Sign #5: You are more in love with the ideal of marriage than the daily reality. Planning a new house is more exciting to you than focusing on communicating with the person who will live in that house with you.
Sign #6: You hope your ex-partner will see you out in public in your new relationship.
Sign #7: You keep telling your friends who talk to your ex-partner how happy you are in your new relationship, in hopes that word will get back to your ex-partner.
Sign #8: You are not interested in getting to know your new partner at a deep level and instead skip forward to planning a future together.
Sign #9: You talk about the future a lot and are excited about “what could happen” without looking at daily life with this person.
Sign #10: You are not at peace, and you focus on this new partner making you happy. You cannot be alone and are often disappointed when this new person is not giving you the attention you need.
Rebound relationships are dangerous because we can end up making really big mistakes with the wrong person because we have not taken the time to clear out leftover emotional clutter from our past relationships. Also, with rebound relationships there is a sense of urgency as well as impatience, so we never take the time to really put on the brakes and look at what is going on in our lives. In fact, in rebound relationships we jump from the frying pan directly into the fire!
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