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Three Steps To Healing From Your Past And Being Open To Love Again

I never wanted to get married again. At least that’s what I told myself.

Past hurts were still piercing my heart. One unhealthy relationship after another, a bad marriage and then a divorce had me looking for love in all the wrong places. I felt like a failure. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

After the mess I’d made, I didn’t think it was possible for a man to ever truly love me unconditionally. I had believed a lie. What I really didn’t know was how much God loved me. All of which kept me from knowing the truth. The truth was I did want to get married again someday, and God wanted that for me too.

Let your heart heal.

Within that one lie were a multitude of other lies I believed. It took many years of healing, a season of singleness and time with the Lord to get to the root of my pain.

I realized there were things from my childhood and insecurities I hadn’t dealt with. I had to be honest with myself and with the Lord about the things that were still causing me pain. I also had to choose to forgive those who hurt me. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to give my heart time and space to heal.

This may look different for you. God will honor the steps you’ve taken to forgive. Being angry with those who have hurt us is natural. It’s what we do with our anger that matters. As I focused on the Lord, something amazing began to happen. My heart was healing. A shift in my thinking started to take place. I was seeing things differently.

Trust that the Lord will heal your heart. It may not feel like it in the moment, but He will. What the enemy tried to use to hurt you, God will take and use it for His good.

Understand unhealthy relationship patterns.

I didn’t know what it meant to have a healthy relationship. The insecurity I had as a child led to codependency. A fear of rejection was another big one. I didn’t think very highly of myself. I thought I was only good for one thing. I didn’t think I was worthy of love or being loved. I believed what others said about me and not what God said about me. I hadn’t learned how to express my feelings; instead, I suppressed them. I continued to settle. I knew I wasn’t in a good place. I wasn’t putting God first and had to make a change.

Unhealthy patterns can prevent us from moving forward. They can keep us in a place of comfort and familiarity.

Let the Lord be your strength and comfort.

I was looking to things and people to make me happy. I was basing my happiness on my feelings for the day instead of grounding myself in God’s love. But true joy and happiness doesn’t come from others or our feelings. That deep longing to be loved, accepted and content can only come from one source. Finding joy in all circumstances has been so hard for me and yet life-changing.

Only God can fill that space of loneliness and bring us the joy that our souls ache for. How is that possible? Good question. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but having a grateful heart will always change your perspective. Focusing on what you’re thankful for and what you have will take your eyes off yourself and back on the Lord. It will cause your faith to be bigger than anything else. It is in our insecurity that we can be secure in Him.

So I ask you today: Are you in that place? Be honest. Then take whatever it is to the Lord. If necessary, ask for forgiveness and for Him to heal your heart. More than anything, He wants a relationship with you and to be first in your life. I encourage you to take this time to learn and grow. Embrace each day as an opportunity to take another step on the path of freedom and wholeness. We are all on a beautiful, never-ending journey.

About Karen Hageman

Karen has a bachelor of science degree in human resource management from the University of Maryland University College and a master’s in human relations from the University of Oklahoma. She loves to sing, write, encourage and empower others in their gifts. Having gone through an abusive marriage, painful divorce, and six years of singleness, she hopes that her testimony will bring healing and hope to others. She is now married to the most amazing man. Karen and her husband, Danny, currently reside in North Richland Hills, Texas. They have a dog named Ringo Starr.
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