As you read in my post in May 2015, there are seasons where things are a little more difficult than than other seasons. Our spiritual walk will always be full of peaks and valleys and within these peaks and valleys there are climaxes where we are overwhelmed with joy but also overrun by despair and depression. Looking back at these moments I sometimes wonder, what if would have given in and hooked up?
What happens to my testimony now?
Can I confidently talk victory in addiction when I’ve fallen myself?
What if people don’t accept my forgiveness?
What if they call me a fake, a charlatan, a hypocrite?
What If I make a mockery of the ministry that you called me to do?
What if the people that I hurt don’t forgive me?
How do get over throwing away 3 years of sobriety?
How do I see God through this pain?
How do I see you through the consequences?
These are all very scary thoughts for me. How close am I to this really happening? As I think of all these things I’m reminded of DC Talk’s song “What if I Stumble.”
In the mid-90’s DC talk was one of the most popular Christian Rock bands on the scene. They share that after each performance they were constantly bombarded by pastors, preachers, youth leaders, and parents alike saying how much they loved them but also encouraged them to “not mess up.” The band members felt a heavy sense of responsibility and made them generally uneasy. One of the band members had a thought in their head which was, What if I stumble? What happens to your faith then? The band later expanded on that thought that eventually became a song.
I can imagine this was a good reality check for them and also everyone else who listened to the song. This thought of falling again to sin can become a vulnerability if you start focusing more on not failing than that of your Savior.
For me, the reality is that I didn’t stumble and that’s the end of that. God was with me in that moment of weakness and he provided a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). This is how He works, so I’m not going to think about all the consequences that could have been. And I’m not going to be afraid of temptation because it will come and I will overcome!
I’m going to continue to walk in victory as I trust in the Lord to provide my daily bread to make it through each day. And tomorrow, I’ll ask for my daily bread again.
I’m going to trust God like I did that one night I wanted to hook-up. I know that in any outcome, good or bad, God is still on his throne. He is still good and what he says about me still remains.