Thursday, August 11, 2022
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What Is God Teaching Me About Singleness?

Photo courtesy of Savio Sebastian via Flickr
Photo courtesy of Savio Sebastian via Flickr

In my journeys I often meet people who are struggling with their singleness. Some have just come out of a serious relationship and are wondering if they will ever love again and get married; others have never had a serious relationship and wonder if it will ever happen. And there are those who struggle with contentment, purpose and worthiness.

I too have struggled with all of these issues. I have been engaged twice but not married. Once to a man who was not following God and once to a man who was. I have known loss from deaths, parents divorcing and remarrying, and abuse by others and to myself. I have known times of financial stability and times of not knowing where my next meal would come from. I have struggled with my identity and value to God and others. And of course, all of this while being single, which often makes things seem harder.

I have also dwelt with the belief from constant marketing of television, movies and the Internet that something is wrong if I am single. That I must have some type of disease. That I am too picky. That I am too independent. Even well-meaning church ladies tell me they are praying for me. “Don’t worry Kris, God will bring you somebody.” Ugh!

Now, after all this time of being single, of experiencing all these pains and the unrealistic expectations from others, I can truly say that I am joyful, whole, and complete. The most important message I have been given over these years has been from Christ, and that is where I now dwell.

From my early 20s, I accepted Christ into my heart and began the most amazing journey. Each step of my life, each path change, each person that came into my life would reveal more and more of who Christ was to me. Through all my relationships I have learned trust, faith, and perseverance. I have seen just how much God wanted to use me, as a single adult and as a woman, in the various places I was in life.

Sometimes those places were in the middle of my living room floor crying out to God for help. Sometimes they were in front the TV as I sat with a gallon of ice cream, wallowing in my own pity party because I hated being without a spouse. Other times it has been while I was on the phone dealing with a friend or family drama, or on a literal mountaintop, singing praises to my Savior. No matter where I was, God used me. And I love that He has worked through me in all of my life situations, even when I doubted and turned away due to sin and disappointment.

God continues to teach me that I can be anything because of His power working in me by His Holy Spirit. I can go anywhere and do anything. I have flexibility in the use of my time, I can stay later, arrive earlier, take a trip here or there, serve Him however He wants. My time is not divided, as Paul would say, because I can concentrate solely on Christ.

So, depending on where you are in your walk with Christ, in your singleness … turn to God and pray that you begin to know and experience that you are valuable to God, that you are worthy because He created you in His image to do great things. You are loved (nothing can take you from His love) and you have a purpose. You were made to be in a relationship with God that glorifies Him; and out of that relationship, your relationships with others will draw them closer to Christ.

Your journey may have started a long time ago or it may be starting today. Trust Christ that you are where He has you until He moves you.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28 (NIV).

About Kris Swiatocho

Kris Swiatocho is the president and director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. She has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is the author of four books including: "Singles and Relationships: A 31-Day Experiment," "From the Manger to the Cross: The Women in Jesus' Life," "Jesus, Single Like Me with Study Questions" and the most recent "Everyone Knows a Single Adult: The FAQ's of Single Adult Ministry.
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