I was watching a video by Tyrese Gibson not too long ago where he was talking about the frustration men face when approaching women who automatically decide that they don’t want to be bothered without getting to know the man first. He likened it to women treating men like pests who need to be sprayed with bug spray. I never thought of it that way. And I never thought (as a woman) that it hurt men’s feelings when we did that to them. I always thought that they just shook it off and moved on to the next one.
But his take on the whole thing let me know that men are sensitive to our responses when they make advances on us.
Now, sometimes they make inappropriate or sexual advances way too soon and in ways that just shouldn’t happen. I’m not saying that you as a woman should accept that. I wouldn’t. But what I’m talking about is giving a man a chance to express himself. Allowing him to show you who he is through his actions. Then be prepared to accept his attention and act accordingly.
It’s easy to shut a man down because of the way he approached you. But before you do that the next time, ask yourself, Could I be passing my husband up because I didn’t like his approach?
You won’t know if this is the man for you unless you give him a chance. I know it’s hard to do that after history has proven that most of the men who approach you do so with ulterior motives. Or, after you’ve been burned in a dead-end relationship. Or when the disrespect that some men show is just too much to handle. And sometimes you just get tired of being approached by men who want to play games when the truth is that you really just want to settle down.
I understand and I feel the same way. But I can tell you from experience that treating every man you meet like a pest isn’t the answer either. Let’s say that in this next week, every man who approaches you really is a pest because he has ulterior motives — so you shoot them down. You don’t know how many good men are watching. Now they don’t feel comfortable approaching you because they think they’re going to get shot down too. They may not know the man who’s approaching you or that he’s trying to waste your time. So all they see is your response, and now they’re not willing to take the risk to even talk to you to find out if your response to them would be different.
And here’s another thing. Say a good guy does find the nerve to approach you. But he doesn’t look like “your type.” Maybe he’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt or white tube socks with open toe sandals. Please don’t turn your nose up at the guy without taking the time to find out who he is as a person. I understand that you probably want a man who looks a certain way, but that’s where we go wrong sometimes. Man looks at the outside, while God looks at the heart. This means we often judge a person — or in this case a man — by his physical appearance alone. I’m not saying to completely ignore how he looks. Physical attraction is important. But it’s a lot easier to ask a man to take his gold fronts out, or change his apparel than it is for you to change his heart. Only God can change a man’s heart.
So here’s to the next year being the one that we don’t allow our past experiences, assumptions or fashion sense to get in our way.
Ladies, don’t let your husband pass you by on a minor technicality. Get to know a man’s heart and mind and you’d be surprised at what might be in store.
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