“Doe, a deer, a female deer, ray, a drop of golden sun”… I could just see myself singing it while dancing around the Residenz Fountain in Austria.
“Bong, bong” … I could hear Big Ben ringing while sailing on the River Thames.
I could get lost in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican City while admiring the work of Michelangelo.
I could sit at one of Paris’ outdoor restaurants and order a café au lait. I can just smell it now.
Toward the end of my college days, I started to plan a trip to Europe. I had my work visa, passport and other documents to make the trek. I had even purchased my airline ticket. The world was my oyster, and I was ready to partake with a little hot sauce. I felt invincible, powerful and independent. I was single, and I could do anything and go anywhere. I was free, free, freeeeee!
Well, I hate to say it but the day after I graduated from college my European dreams came to a halt because I met a man. This man quickly distracted me, not only from my dream but from God.
I spent the next couple of years away from my family and friends. God had designed my singleness to be used by Him for His glory, but instead, I was using it to serve me and my boyfriend. We ended up living together which went against all that I knew was right. We partied and spent money like it grew on trees. Yes, we were having fun but there was no joy. For joy only comes from God. Every day God reminded me that I was his and that my life was worth more than where I was.
As the “happy” part of the relationship started to become sad due to fear, conviction of my sin, bill collectors and the disappointment of my friends and family, God was there with His hands held out. Due to my sin and my shame, I felt so unworthy to God. I left my boyfriend but instead of going back to the Lord, I wandered another year, looking for truth, looking for love, and looking for peace — again leading only to disaster.
Finally, the day came where I was at my lowest point in my life. I had nothing. My money was gone, and I was in deep debt. I was barely eating. I looked and felt horrible. Then God, yet again, reminded me of the path He had chosen for me.
This time, I chose Him.
This choice was the start of realizing my life as a single had the power, the peace and the joy that I was seeking. I was learning that only God could fill me, not a man, not money, not drugs, not stuff and not even my family or friends. Only God could give me my value. Only God could define me.
The question then was: How would I use this knowledge, this power?
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you (Psalms 38:9).
Over the next 20 years, God continued to mold and shape me as a single adult. I have so many stories of how my path, my choices were significant life markers due to being single — from starting my own business to leaving it all to go into full-time ministry, from taking care of one grandmother to another to my own father, all because being single allowed me the flexibility to do so.
I am blessed in my singleness.
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him (Exodus 15:2).
So you might be asking, “Kris, did you ever get to Europe?” Well, I have made it several times, all for the Lord. I have had the honor of speaking in Poland and Slovakia and most recently, to plant our UK division of The Singles Network Ministries. Yes, God is good.
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life (1 Timothy 1:16).