Why Am I Single?

“I know why I am single. I’m selfish,” said one of the folks at my last speaking event. It was a Friday night in Salisbury, North Carolina. I was speaking at a church on Jesus, Single Like Me material.

Before I speak, I love to sit with folks during the meal time to get to know them better. As usual the questions come up: where I am from, who they think I might know, if I have been married, do I have kids and so on. Then out of nowhere a new question came up. “So Kris, why are YOU single?” I was like, “What? Why am I single?” Hmmm, I had never really thought about that question. I mean, I do hear from the various older ladies at church, friends who have gotten married and, of course, my mom at times about why am I STILL single, but never the general question, “Why am I single?”

So before I answered the question from an anxiously awaiting audience at my table, I turned the question around and asked them first. I was simply amazed at the answers they came up with. As I listened to each person, I knew I needed to share some of their answers. Maybe their answers will help to answer your own. Maybe their answers will affirm what God is doing in your life. Maybe their answers will convict you of what you need to be doing. So you be the judge …

“So, why are you single?” I asked.

Susie: “To be quite simple, I am selfish. I like to have my way about everything, and a man just does not fit in my life.

Sonya: “I have not met the right person yet.”

Joe: “I lost my wife to cancer. I hated being alone. I was so lonely. I started to date, but I guess I expected too much too soon. I was rejected over and over. I think it’s best for me to just stay single and not get hurt anymore.” 

Tom: “Because I know no one would want to live with me.”

Donna: “I like my independence and prefer to be alone. I can do what I want and go where I want. I love it.”

Betty: “I can do more for God. I believe he called me to be single.”

Praise the Lord, Betty, that you have found this miraculous place called “contentment.” A place God has you until he moves you somewhere else. I love how Betty has learned to serve and do for the Lord where she is. This contentment has also brought a quiet, calm spirit in her because she doesn’t have to be anxious about anything. She can just “be,” knowing God will provide the next step as he wills it.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances (Philippians 4:11 NIV).

So I guess it’s finally my turn to answer the question. I am single because I have chosen to be. When I was younger, I was like most women in that I wanted to get married. I have dated and been engaged a couple of times. However, through all the relationships, it was God’s relationship that I sought most. Now, do I feel called to be single forever? No. I still desire to have a mate one day; however, the focus on my daily life isn’t looking for a man. So while I am waiting, I am living life to its fullest, to abundance. I am serving, growing, ministering and sharing my life. I have learned the joy of being content like Betty. I am called to be single until he moves me somewhere else, and I love it.

So … why are you single?