Trying to decipher the male mind and their intentions is a lot like trying to understand a foreign language without an interpreter.
Much like my experience in Latin class in high school, I have been unable to figure out either, even after hours and hours of intense study. I mean, I am 30 after all. You’d think I’d understand men by now. That couldn’t be any farther from the truth. It seems like the older I get, the harder it is to figure them out.
I’ll lay in bed at night and mill over conversations, only to fall asleep with no answers to the endless questions. You may be wondering: “What kinds of questions could you possibly have, Holly?” I’m so glad you asked.
Please explain to me the use of a wink in text. Is that, in fact, a form of flirting? The only men who have winked at me in real life are old men. Creepy old men who smell of stale Stetson cologne and peppermint candies. If those are the types of feelings or emotions you were trying to conjure up, guys, then you are right on the money.
Not to belabor the wink much longer, but it bears mentioning that the wink appears to be a cop-out. There, I said it. Instead of saying, “Hey. You’re cute/funny/smart/pretty/amazing, etc.” we shoot a wink in replacement. Then, we can’t be quoted as saying anything since winks can be easily shrugged off. We girls do it too. I won’t deny it. It seems safe to send a wink; it allows for less room for rejection.
What about perpetual busyness? Is that an easy blow-off or a legitimate excuse? I mean, we are all busy to a certain extent. If he mentions wanting to hang out, but then never does anything to make it a reality, does that mean he doesn’t really want to hang out? I’m positive I’m over-thinking things, but at the same time, if you legitimately want to spend time with a person, you make time for them. Right?
I mean, I do that sort of thing. I’m swamped with not just a full-time job, but my blog and writing stuff, ministry responsibilities, and with that I still make time for friends. You better believe I’d make time for hanging out with a dude if I were interested in seeing where things could go.
Compliments. This one is tricky to bring up because I don’t want nice guys to stop giving girls friendly compliments. One of my love languages (can I just claim all 5?) is words of affirmation, and I’ll take them from anybody. Yes, anybody. One of the ladies at my bank drive-thru told me she thought my hair was beautiful. I’ll take that. When telling the guy at the lawn mower repair shop that I didn’t need an explanation of the repairs made because I was only there for my good looks, he responded by saying I was doing a great job of that. I’ll take that too. Meeting a new friend who tells me he reads my blog and loves it? Yup, that too.
Seriously, it’s nice to hear how great we are because we are pretty great, if I do say so myself!
The problem, for me, comes when I’m trying to distinguish between when a guy is just being thoughtful and when a guy is potentially interested in me. In the end, I just smile regardless, but I’d like to know if I’m being polite or if I am encouraging him. For example, if he tells me I should wear a certain dress to an event, does that mean he finds me attractive in that dress?
All of this is exhausting. As women, we are told to allow the guy to make the moves. That he should pursue me. I’m fine with all of that, but what if he is and I’m missing it?
I don’t have any answers for all of this, but I do have some encouragement. We’re all trying to figure each other out. Ladies, you’ve got questions and guys, you’ve got them too. You’re not alone in the struggle and the ache of trying to decipher conversations, motives and actions (or inaction as the case may be).
Let’s just commit to communicate as kindly, lovingly and clearly as we can to lessen the confusion as much as possible. And then, if questions still arise, talk about it. Ya, it has the potential to make things weird, but that’s the only way to really know. Most mature adults can handle it. If they can’t … well, that’ll take another post altogether.