Aging Out Of Singles Ministry

I think some of you identify with the title of this article. You understand before I even start writing. But some of you don’t see the correlation between being single and aging. I mean if you’re single, you’re single. Right? Being single is age independent, meaning age has no bearing on singleness. But in a funny way it does.

Baby Face

So what I’m told is I don’t look my age. I’m sure there will be a time when I will, but at the current time, that’s not what people think. In being a fun guy, I’m 36 going on 26. But I’m just 36. I haven’t been 36 long, but I have been in my 30s long enough to know this: Knowing my age means something to some of you. If you don’t know, it doesn’t always mean something.

Young Adults = Singles Ministry?

Now, I serve in a young adult and singles ministry where there’s around 3,000 20s and 30s on any given Tuesday night. If you ask me, that’s a great place to meet a spouse. It really is. I’ve been in and out of attendance since 2009, and I’ve seen a plethora of people get married. If you’re here for the right reasons, you’ll be seen by the right people … for the most part.

It’s a breeding machine for couples. And with every new season, new singles come in, get involved, meet each other, start dating and eventually get married. But what I’ve also seen over the years is the people who haven’t gotten married. See, as new (younger) people come in, you keep aging. As we add college students, the demographics shift to a younger group. What’s been the majority, age 25 to 35, has now shifted to 22 to early 30s. You hit 32 and start looking for other areas to serve and attend. That’s just where I’m at. Some of you may have a singles ministry where you start aging out in your late 20s.

But where do you go? Let me tell you about singles ministry when you’re 35+ and have never been married.

There isn’t any.

This what they do have: Singles ministry for divorced and single parents.

You Don’t Fit In

I know people from high school who are now on their second marriage. I can’t even get a girl to say yes to a date. Most people my age are married and either have a child or have one on the way. I couldn’t marry in my 20s.  I was an addict. I’m a late bloomer in my walk with the Lord  So now the singles ministry available for my demographic consists of divorced and single parents. The single-never married-with no kids ministries are mainly reserved for people in their 20s. That’s just basic statistics.

You a Leper or Something?

I am. I really am. No, I’m kidding. But it sometimes feels that way. I feel that sometimes when people find out how old I am, it’s somehow announced, “Unclean! Unclean!” People start wondering what my motives are in the young adult crowd. Like I’m supposed to be somewhere else. I’ve only recently noticed this. It’s not overbearing, but I have noticed it a little more than normal.

So Where Do We Go from Here?

Nowhere. I’m staying right where I am. I found out that if people find it odd that I’m around, that’s their issue, not mine. I love people, so losing friends (or when people start treating me differently) does sting a little. But I quickly get over it. And that should be none of my concern anyway. God has given me an amazing testimony and specific gifts, and He is using me mightily in this season of my life.

Don’t Waste This Time

Guys, I’m having fun. You do know the satisfaction I get from serving in the young adults and singles ministry (Matthew 5:6). I’ve seen people my age struggle with the same season I’m in, and I’m telling you the best thing to do is to make the best of it. Give your life away where you’re serving. Don’t hold back because you’re afraid you’ll miss out on a spouse. I do plan on getting married, and I’m proactive about it, but that desire is overshadowed by the calling He has on my life.

So, am I aging out of singles ministry?

I don’t care 🙂