Girl Porn

Nothing like trying to explain the title of this article to your parents, especially when you are their pastor!

I will never forget one of my youth leaders in Texas preaching about her definition of “Girl Porn” and thinking it was completely ridiculous as she tried to persuade a group of hopeless, romantic 16-year-old girls in the 80s about the dangers of chick flicks. A much older and wiser me still gets a little weepy just thinking of John Cusack holding up that boom box blaring Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” for the woman he loves. That poor youth leader never stood a chance against the well-fed butterflies living in our teenage hearts! Funny thing is … it never left me, and here I am writing about it today.

Perhaps it’s not a bad idea to take a peek into our easily mushed hearts to make sure we haven’t gone a little overboard. Is it possible we ladies use chick flicks and romantic comedies to escape reality and create expectations that no “mere mortal man” could ever measure up to? Have we, with a little help from Hollywood, created a gauntlet that means to emasculate every man who doesn’t miraculously come up with daily quotes like, “Nobody puts baby in a corner” or “You … complete … me!”? Have we semi-permanently damaged the hopeful intentions of the man who can’t take us to Tiffany’s after hours and offer the pick of any diamond in the store? A girl can dream a little bit, can’t she?

Although he would never admit it, I made a very manly friend of mine watch “Twilight” with me on an overseas flight because there was absolutely nothing else to watch. His comment at the end of the movie was, “Wow, I feel so sorry for every high school guy in the world who will never measure up to this Edward dude.” My view on that is … well, duh … of course there is no high school guy who could ever measure up, and that is why most of us girls were in love with the college boys!

Seriously though … Please don’t attempt to take away my innocent daydreams to fairytale land by telling me that I might be using “You’ve Got Mail” as a pseudo-supply for meeting intimacy needs! Yes, we can all be led down the yellow brick road of romantic delusion, but unless we are using these “slices of life” to fill a wounded hole of disappointment or unrealized expectation, I see them as merely speaking to our longing for intimacy and companionship. The question requires a deeper look into the state of our hearts and impact on our non-Hollywood relationships.

Are there illegitimate expectations placed on these poor unsuspecting men who couldn’t, nor shouldn’t, be required to measure up to the behind-the-scenes clever screenwriters who make our Pitt/Gosling/Jackman hotties hotter than even they are in real life? Are we holding on to something as fraudulent and manufactured as the unrealistic airbrushed photos of the “perfect woman” that we love to hate in magazines and billboards?

I know I will take some heat for this one. But I honestly don’t think it is a bad idea for some of our guys to take a hint from these chick flicks and create a personal “Hollywood blockbuster” every once in awhile instead of resorting to the predictable, “Uh, what do you want to do tonight?” Just a little creativity and initiative is all we are looking for! Take it from a ridiculously easy-to-please, happy-most-anywhere, hopeful someday girlfriend and wife. Most of us would just love that you had a plan and didn’t let us in on it until we arrived, no matter where it took us. Of course, it might be helpful to tell us what to wear!

Face it, we are designed for relationship, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring to be loved, adored and yes, even romanced. Watching my mom and dad, who have been married 47 years, waltz to Willie Nelson in my living room one night brought three single adult women to tears. Whether on screen or in real life, these moments reveal the desire we have to be cherished and special to the guy who’s won our heart and makes us feel safe. And that, my fellow starry-eyed dreamer, is a very good thing!

Ladies, it’s time to dream again and know that giddiness did not have to graduate with high school! Fairy tales and silly storylines aside … I want you to seriously LOVE you and do what it takes to make you feel like a million bucks, knowing that you are a treasure worthy of pursuit. Strut your stuff with the purity and nobility of a queen. Smile like crazy, and be content in your now. Live like you’ve arrived, and completely LOVE LIFE while you are single and waiting.

And if you are perfectly happy on your own, then brilliant! But frankly, there are just too many sad faces out there who have given up and disqualified themselves from love because of failure, fear, age, shame, disappointment or even abuse. Stop comparing the amazing men around you to your past, and for the love, please don’t hold them up to a delusion on the silver screen. Just be the beautiful “girl-next-door” who is confident in the woman she has become, knowing there is a great, kind, creative man out there worthy of such a treasure.

It might be that your sparkling knight, like mine, is temporarily detained in some foreign country, extremely busy feeding starving children, climbing treacherous mountains, learning the fine art of pursuit deep in the heart of a jungle without cell service, creating beauty and beautiful things, or himself learning to receive God’s extravagant love right around the corner. Whatever reason there may be, I know that it must be impressively heroic in order to be momentarily distracted from the wonder that is you. I can guarantee you, lovely lady, that with those smiling eyes, big hugs, infectious laugh and heart of gold, love will span the oceans and galaxies if need be to chase you down when it’s time!

At the risk of a probably needed intervention, I will let you know that I have never been to the Empire State Building because I refuse to go without the man I love. Here I sit across the river, listening to Jimmy Durante croon “As Time Goes By,” longing for the day my “McDreamy” will take me there, either in a taxi-cab-dodging horse-drawn carriage, or just simply showing up at my door to escort me on a NJ bus, subway, smelly sidewalk, and finally to the elevator going “up,” while never once letting go of my hand. I may not have an adorable little boy who would make a trip across the country to connect me with an on-the-mend Romeo from Seattle who doesn’t sleep, but what I do have are some well-informed girlfriends who will be more than happy to help my guy out with some “original ideas” when he finally decides to show up.

Now ladies, if you literally have to watch five or more chick flicks a day, then you may very well have crossed over to the dark side and be in need of “Girl Porn” rehab, but for the rest of us, we’ll keep swooning over the simple, yet profound “I like you,” which will hopefully turn into “I love you” without any coaxing from us or anyone else, knowing it is from the heart. I may still wipe a tear over a hot air balloon proposal or even a first date that happens 50 times on the big screen, but in my heart of hearts, give me a man who will just shout it from the rooftop that he has been wrecked by love, and he will have me at “hello.”

Honestly, we’ll love you boys for trying your best, knowing that after a few months with us, even you might be saying, “You make me want to be a better man.”