It amazes me how people are always trying to pair you up with another human being. We are born alone, unique, except for the 2 percent of twins, .08 percent of triplets, and other multiple births. But even if people are born a twin or a triplet, they sustain themselves and are responsible for their own growth, education, health, etc.
We have the right to be friends with people of the opposite sex. I particularly prefer the friendship of males over the one of females. Nothing personal, I simply find their insight, emotional, and physical strength more appealing. They are gentle but firm, and they are better at solving conflict. Ladies, if you are still reading this, you know it’s true. Sometimes our girlfriends bring a lot of unnecessary drama for things that could have been resolved with a couple of words and a glass of wine.
Where Is Your Other Half?
I have been seeing a guy, a friend-guy, and he has already been called “husband,” “boyfriend,” and “new guy” by friends and acquaintances! One day I went to the gym by myself, which I used to do anyway before I met Dwight, and my instructor greeted me by asking, “Where is your other half?” I responded immediately, “I don’t have another half, I am complete!”
And even if I got married, I would still be complete, my own self. I know it is difficult for many single women to navigate the waves of the daily life alone; you wonder when your “other half” will come to complete your half self — you cry behind a bag of popcorn while watching a romantic comedy, or you secretly resent your girlfriends when they meet someone and things seem to be going really well for them. But your life can be full too. Every day is a new challenge, a new light, a new creation, a new poem, a new performance, a new class, a new song, a new idea for a blog …
Also someone asked me if Dwight made me happy. I hesitated because the answer is yes! Dwight makes me happy, but poetry, Zumba, and yoga make me happy too! There’s no reason to give another person the attribute or the responsibility of making you happy or sad.
Love Attracts Love and Misery Loves Company
If you love yourself greatly, you will pour out that love into others and into what you do. Discover your passion and love it! Do you like poetry? Read and write like a lunatic! Do you like dancing? Dance like no one is watching!
I just remembered Dwight, this guy has a very particular singing voice. Have you watched the winners of American Idol? Think of Dwight as the complete opposite. But he sings, in solitude, he loves to listen to music, he talks about it, and he uses it to calm me down before my performances.
On the other hand, I have stopped (or partially stopped) talking to friends who criticize everything I do or wear. And they think they are “helping.” To give you an example, once I was talking to a girlfriend about plastic surgery, so I jokingly asked her if she thought I needed one. What came out of her mouth was, “Yeah, you have small breasts, you should get them a couple sizes bigger; your smile is too wide, there is a cosmetic surgery to stick the upper lip to the upper gum; by the way, your jaw is kind of narrow, you need to get a dental treatment to open space, you should lift up those eyelids; oh, and you need lipo for that little tummy, or maybe just coolsculpting,” (she said the last part with a big grin to make me feel better). No way has this person loved me just the way I am!
Use Your Imagination
Be creative! You don’t have to become a great artist, just add some color to your life, to your wardrobe, do something nice for yourself, salute the world with a smile even if they decide to give you their back. And try something new to keep your mind engaged.
Talk to God. He is the best listener, guy-friend you can have. He will remind you of how precious you are, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” (Song of Solomon 4:7).
Life is beautiful, and that’s not a cliché, it’s the truth. Look at all the possibilities without paying too much attention to your past, your age, or your circumstances.
The One Will Come — Pray and Believe in God’s Promises
At church we were studying the book Love, Sex, and Relationships, by Chip Ingram, and the one thing I learned is that love is not this unexplainable, uncontrollable emotion. You have to give time to your feelings as well as the other person’s to show you his/her interest, like, and respect. It is too easy to be infatuated and believe you have found real love when you actually are experiencing the effects of a hormonal cocktail.
Stay pure, do not give yourself away physically, and delay physical manifestations of affection. Get to know this person, his/her friends and family and allow him/her to enter your world as well, making sure you feel comfortable together, in public, and there is a great degree of trust. Only in these kinds of interactions will you know if you are compatible and if you have found the one.
I remember something my spiritual father tells me often: “Fall in love with your best friend, because your best friend will never try to hurt you.” In the meantime, continue to love the Lord as well as yourself, do not expect for someone to come to rescue you, make the best of your life even though it is not perfect. Learn to live with the person who matters most in all this — really get to know her, look at her face in the mirror, be proud of the shape of her body, her wrinkles and her few gray hairs. When she goes to that fancy restaurant in that little dress that makes her feel amazing, and the hostess asks if it is just one, she answers proudly, “It’s not just one, it’s me.”
The one will come to complement you (not complete you) in the most perfect way.
Kurma Murrain is a Colombian-American poet and philologist graduated from the Universidad Nacional de Colombia. Her works include the poetry books Esta Soy, In the Prism of Your Soul, and various other literary works. Her poetry has appeared in international journals and online magazines such as El Tiempo, Que Pasa, La Noticia, Label Me Latina/o, and Iodine Poetry Journal. In addition, she has translated books from English to Spanish that include Life in the Shadow of the Swastika by Frieda Roos-Van Hessen. In Charlotte, North Carolina, she has been founder-member of the poetry groups ArteSanos de la Palabra and VozEs.